Domestic violence among NFL players raises awareness
Ray Rice dragging his unconscious, then-finance across a hotel floor and Adrian Peterson switching his son until he drew blood has raised awareness of domestic violence among National Football League players.
Yet domestic violence remains a problem everywhere, even among Utah State University students.
“Is it a problem? You bet it is,” said Ann Austin, director of the Center for Women and Gender at Utah State.
One out of four women will experience domestic violence, and it is estimated 40 percent of domestic violence victims are men, according to domesticviolencestats.org. Moreover, according to a study done by the National Resource on Domestic Violence, 23 percent of homosexual men and 11 percent of homosexual women reported being raped, stalked or physically assaulted by their partner.
“It’s not just heterosexual couples,” Austin said. “I’ve seen it among homosexual couples as well. One case was with guys beating on guys.”
In order to prevent abusive relationships, Sexual Assault and Anti-Violence Information prevention specialist Ryan Barfus recommended caution while dating.
“If you try to think about dating, I think the students nowadays date differently than, say, 10 years ago, 20 years ago,” Barfus said. “Now a lot of communication is though text messages, emails, things like that, so there’s not a lot of face-to-face, getting-to-know-you time. When they do date, they are generally in group settings. I think the first few dates they are trying to pull the wool over the over person’s eyes. They are kind. They are gentle. They build that relationship but things change.”
Barfus said students should take their time when beginning relationships.
”My best piece of advice would be to get to know that person as well as you can,” he said. “Don’t jump into a serious relationship. Always be cautious; always be wary of the other person. Not to be afraid of people, but be cautious and skeptical of everything until you build that confidence in that person.”
Those who are abused or witnessed domestic violence in their homes as children, especially boys, are more likely to become abusive partners, according to safehorizon.org. In a statement released through his agency, Petersen said he had only disciplined his son the way he had been disciplined as a child. In a USA Today article, David Cummings, who played football with Peterson in middle school, said he remembered seeing Peterson’s father whipping Peterson with a belt after football practice for disrupting class.
Yet domestic violence encompasses more than just physical abuse. Mental and verbal abuse can contribute to victims remaining in abusive relationships. In response to criticism as to why Janey Palmer stayed with, and later married, Rice, Beverly Gooden began the #WhyIStayed trend on Twitter. Women who had been in abusive relationships tweeted their reasons why they stayed with their partners. Some, like writer Elizabeth Plank, cited verbal or mental abusive as more powerful than physical abuse.
“It’s not the one day he hits you, it’s everyday he works hard to make you smaller,” Plank tweeted.
Signs of mental and verbal abuse can begin with a partner’s need for control and lack of trust, Barfus said.
“First warning signs are if your partner doesn’t trust you,” Barfus said. “A lot of people think it’s all physical abuse but it could be mental and verbal, like control over your partner. Your partner could be very controlling over looking at your text messages. Looking at who’s called, who’s emailed, just looking over your shoulder and controlling where you go. They just want that control over their partner’s whereabouts. Where they are going, who you are seeing, who their friends are. Those are some telltale signs right off the bat.”
Another indicator of whether or not a partner may become abusive is watching how they treat their family, Barfus said.
“A lot of people say, ‘watch that person and see how they react around their own family,’” Barfus said. “How they react to their mother, their father, their siblings. There could be signs that that’s how they will act.”
Resources at Utah State like Aggie Care are designed to help students who have experienced domestic violence. Aggie Care provides students with child care options and additional resources from the community.
“A lot of the time I think people think that Aggie Care is a day care center and it’s not,” said Konie Humphreys, director of Aggie Care. “It’s a program that can help them find resources.”
Other resources within the community include Community Abuse Prevention Service Agency, which provides a 24-hour mobile crisis response team that meets with victims at safe locations like police stations to provide clothing, food, information about protective orders and economic help.
The Child Family and Support Center also provides a crisis nursery, therapy and education for families experiencing domestic violence.
Barfus said the best way a person can maintain healthy relationships is to take control of the kind of people with whom they associate.
“Take control of the people you are hanging out with,” Barfus said. “Trust your gut. If you feel something isn’t right, don’t force the issue.”
— katherine.l.larsen@gmail.com