Advice: How to escape the friend zone

She says

To Guys: How many times have you heard, “it’s not you. It’s me,” or even, “you’re such a great friend,” and realized you totally just got demoted to the friend-zone?

The friend-zone is a very big gray area in any relationship, and getting there can be painful. As devastating as it can be to be friend-zoned, you have to realize that girls have a lot more control over the relationship than we sometimes may give ourselves credit for.

You also have to know that she probably put you in the friend-zone for a reason — to be friends. Although she doesn’t see how great you are in one particular way, you can still be friends. While she goes off and dates other guys, who are most likely jerks comparatively, you can be that shoulder to cry on.

While she may not realize it at the time, the relationship you are developing with her by always being there is one that she will think back on. It may not happen overnight, and it’s a big risk because this doesn’t necessarily happen all the time. Take the time to invest in her and show that girl you truly care for her, and if she has any sort of brain in between her ears, she will come around.

To Girls: If you find yourself being friend-zoned, the best piece of advice I can give to you is to move on. If the guy that friend-zoned you can’t see how amazing of a person you are, he is not worth your time.

It won’t be easy, but you deserve someone who will appreciate the real you. There is someone out there for everyone, and the guy that friend-zoned you is not worth your time.

— Alyssa Hawkins is a freshman majoring in journalism. She’s an avid Disney junkie, unapologetic organizer and a lover of all things chocolate. Send questions or advice requests to alyssa.hawkins@aggiemail.usu.edu or on Twitter: @_alyssahawkins.

He says

First off, you never should have let yourself get sucked into the black hole we like to call the, “friend zone.” When the girl you like started calling you “dude” and fist bumping you when you went out to lunch, you should have known you were headed down a slippery slope. Now this girl, most likely the girl of your dreams, thinks of you as just “a good guy” and “almost like a brother.” What have you done?

There is a solution. I’m not saying it’s easy or even 100 percent effective. I am, however, saying that it’s been known to work. You can’t expect just to flirt with this girl and think that she’ll eventually come around. Girls love to be flirted with and will often times reciprocate the flirting. This doesn’t mean that she’s into you. Let’s all remember that girls love attention, but giving attention won’t get you back in the clear.

So if you can’t flirt your way out of the friend zone, what are you to do? You must play it cool and be patient. The best thing you can do: go on dates with other girls.

If you really want to take it to the next level, talk to the friend-zoner about other girls that you’re taking on dates. She’ll already see that you’ve put yourself out there and that you’re dating other people. But when you talk to her about it, she’ll realize that she doesn’t have you like she initially thought. She’ll instantly get jealous — she won’t admit it, of course — and eventually come running back to you.

When she realizes the mistake she’s made, you can’t let her come back right away. You’ve been suffering in the friend zone: long nights wishing you were with her, going on awkward dates with other girls just to make her jealous, getting desperate and buying her dinner — let’s hope dinner is all you bought her. It’s been rough. She probably doesn’t realize the extent of what you’ve been through. Don’t make her suffer, but let her know that you’re not an easy option. After she’s back, keep her around. This is the girl you want to be with.

Fellas, the dating world is cruel. Stay confident, wear nice shoes and don’t ever let a girl call you “dude.”

— Colten is a junior majoring in technical writing. His life is perfect, so you can take his advice. Submit questions or advice requests at coltenvantussenbrook@gmail.com or on Twitter @coltvant.