Blue View

Toughest region

I have a 1-in-4 chance of getting this right, and, to boot, there’s no real way to determine this, unless we got all the teams together and put them through a series of grueling tests. Maybe walking on fire, crushing beer cans using the forehead, survival without cell phones or some slap boxing with pissed off grizzly bears. Even then, it is by no means an exact science. All that being said, I’m going with the South region. Most of the teams are legit: Memphis, Texas, Stanford, Pitt, Michigan State, even Mississippi State, Kentucky and St. Mary’s. It could get interesting if Texas and Memphis make it to the regional final, which will be a UT home game in Houston. And don’t forget about all the southern belles, hot damn.

Sleeper team

I really wish I could pick Georgia, but they drew a tough Xavier team in the first round. So the ‘Dawgs will probably be sleeping on their couches by the start of the second round. Get it, my sleeper team would be sleeping … they both contain the word sleep … it’s kind of punny … still nothing? I should really sleep some time this week. Anyways, since I can’t pick Georgia, I’m going with their Southeastern Conference compatriot, the Kentucky Wildcats. As an 11 seed, Kentucky could sneak up on some people-namely, Marquette and Stanford. They also have a rich tradition, a good coach in Billy Gillispie, and the affection of the prettiest Judd-Wynona. J/K, it’s Ashely. Come to think of it, a Judd is all anyone needs, really.

Best first-round game

There are going to be so many good reasons to miss class on Thursday and Friday. USC and K-State. Georgetown vs. the University of Maryland, Baltimore County Retrievers. A pair of mid-major showdowns, with South Alabama taking on Butler and Western Kentucky playing Drake. But for my money, the best first round game will be BYU’s crushing defeat at the hands of a different Aggie – one from Texas A&M. I have a very public – and more sadistic, private – hatred of the other blue school in Utah, so it shouldn’t be surprising to hear me say: Anytime BYU loses, we all win. Good triumphs over evil. Angels get their wings. Ice cream sandwiches fall from the sky, because God is just as happy as we all are. So go Aggies and watch out for falling Fat Boys, those things might hurt.

Player of the Year

Michael Beasley is a better basketball player than Tyler Hansbrough. Beasley has more God-given ability, but Hansbrough has bigger … well, I can’t say that … bigger cahones? No that doesn’t sound right. How about I put it this way: Tyler Hansbrough is a hard ass. That sounds better-way less offensive. Hansbrough just plays all out, all the time, with very little concern for his health and well-being. I get the feeling he’d run through a brick wall for a rebound. He’d probably run over his grandma to get a basket-actually, he’d pull up in time to create contact, make the off-balance shot and beat his chest on the way to the free-throw line. I once saw Hansbrough dunk in the face of a 7-foot-7 guy, just maliciously throw it down. He loses points for the silly celebratory run from last weekend, but still, Hansbrough is a great American hero.

Rant

Now one from the file titled “Anyone But Those Rotten Bastards.” I would like to congratulate, and thank, Boise State for beating New Mexico State in the WAC Championship Game on Saturday. Before you start calling me a traitor, refer back up the page to the profanity in the first sentence. I’d rather see about anyone besides New Mexico State win. There are obvious exceptions, like BYU, the Patriots, Jerry Bruckheimer and the guy who flipped me off at the Tavernacle in Salt Lake – I’ll hunt you like a rabid dog. Boise not only had to beat the evil-twin Aggies, but they were also up against a building full of fans yelling blindly for evil and the three complete mushheads with whistles and some second-rate officiating certification that refed the game. If Passos was fouled at the end of regulation, I’m Boy George -and we all know I don’t have the soft features to pull off that much eyeliner. Androgynous singers aside, a blood vessel in my head would have burst, killing me, had Boise not pulled it out.