Blue View
What’s the big deal with the Matt Leinart photos?
Those pictures of Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart drinking beer in a hot tub with three or four hot girls are just proof Leinart is living the dream. Why else-besides being able to party with smokin’ hotties-would anyone want to be an NFL quarterback? I thought that’s why anyone-going all the way back to high school-became a quarterback. Everyone wanted to be QB so all the chicks would want to be naked around them. If it wasn’t for the babe factor, everyone would want to be offensive linemen-it’s way more violent, and therefore way more fun. We talk about Tony Romo using his status to hook up with these blond pop stars. Leinart is doing the same thing, he’s just a quantity over quality guy. And if Matt didn’t get chlamydia while hanging out with Paris Hilton, I’m sure he won’t be any worse for wear after the hot tub incident-maybe a little wrinkly, that’s all.
Who wins the Master’s?
It might be because I couldn’t name five professional golfers besides Tiger Woods. It might be because I tried his new Gatorade and I caught a little electrolyte buzz. It might even be because Tiger is married to a Swedish goddess. Really, I’d have to be drunk or just a dumb ass to pick anyone but Tiger Woods. These are the harder questions to answer: How many hours of sleep will I get while Tiger is bludgeoning his competition into submission with his putter? How many milliliters of drool can I reasonably expect to produce during my golf-induced coma? I can’t watch golf, but I love to play. I love drinking one beer a hole, losing 50 balls-because I see three different ones each time I take a swing-and eventually driving the golf cart into a water hazard. That’s what summer is all about.
Will Bill Self stay or go?
If I were Bill Self, this would be a no-brainer-leave. Get the hell out of Dodge or whatever city KU is in. Do like the Steve Miller Band says and just take the money and run. If you believe ESPN, Oklahoma State is willing to pay Self $3.5 mil a year, plus a cool $6 million signing bonus. That’s some serious dough to move from one flat, barren place to another. Self just won a title for Kansas, that’s all they wanted. He should just leave while he’s on top of the Kansas college basketball world before it all goes sour. And OSU is his alma mater. He met his wife there. It’s the nostalgia factor, and that, coupled with the ridiculous amount of money, will make up Self’s mind. I would probably even go back to a place were I was mugged and held captive in a basement for a $6 million dollar signing bonus.
Did Memphis lose or did Kansas win?
I really hate questions like this. It takes two teams to produce an outcome. Sure, Memphis missed four free throws down the stretch that assured the game was going into overtime. But Kansas still had to hit some shots, foul some people and just be on the court for the whole game. I don’t care if it was handed to them in a wicker basket, Kansas still had to be there to collect. And what about overtime? Kansas outplayed Memphis in OT, where the Tigers still clearly had a chance to win. It comes down to this: Memphis choked hardcore at the free-throw line, but there still has to be someone there to laugh about it and collect the national championship trophy, and Kansas was in the building-enough to get a win in my book.
Rant
Members of the Church of the Sports Fan gathered here, I have a terrible, awful message to deliver to you this morn’. Today’s sermon is a lament, a eulogy, for the end of the happy, busy, interesting period of the sports fan year. The next several months, until August, are some of the darkest in the sporting calendar. Sure there’s baseball, but-outside of the occasional brawl-it’s not interesting until the last 20 games or so. There’s the NFL Draft, but that is fleeting hope, put no great stock in such brief satisfaction. Golf will be in full swing-a little golf humor to lighten the mood. Who cares, though? So I’m here to tell you, be strong brothers and sister, in this our darkest hour. Cling to UEFA Champions League soccer and NFL training camp reports when they grace your TV screen. We must band together, create slow pitch softball teams, golf foursomes, plan elaborate fishing trips and always remember to keep the cooler stocked with beer and ice. Can I get an amen?