Blue View

Is the dunk contest back?

Hell yes. There was a cupcake used during Saturday night’s dunk contest. A pink-frosted cupcake. What’s more intriguing for obese Americans than baked goods? You could sell anything with a bake sale thing going on: Communism, a sequel to “The Number 23” called “The Number 24” or Ron Paul’s presidential campaign. As long as there’s brightly colored cupcakes, we’re down. There were some other good dunks Saturday night, too. Sorry, I got sidetracked by the cupcake. But what about Dwight Howard’s Superman thing? His hand never got within like three feet of the rim. He just threw the ball through the hoop. Yeah, he jumped really high, but was it a dunk or just a floater in the lane?

Second-half surprise in the NBA?

I’d be surprised if anyone in the East actually challenged the Celtics at all. I’ll also be surprised if the East-with the exception of LeBron and Boston’s big three-has any superstar players left after the trading deadline. I’d be even more surprised if what I’m about to say actually happened, mainly because it’s impossible, but that doesn’t mean I can’t dream. What I’d like to see happen is the Celtics and maybe the Pistons and Cavs just move to the West, and let the rest of the East play Developmental League teams the rest of the year, while those teams in the West battle it out in a 12-team tournament for basketball supremacy.

Is the NFL Combine a big deal?

It’s a bigger deal than the NBA All-Star Game, or the Pro Bowl, and definitely VD-Valentine’s Day- but don’t tell that to chicks. Basically, the Combine is the savior of the awful, cold, snowy, depressing month of February. Good stats at the Combine are usually the difference between first and second rounders and those who don’t get drafted at all. We’re talking millions of dollars here. Plus, it’s like sweeps week for the NFL Network, who are just happy they have something interesting to put on TV during the offseason. And you get to watch people bench press. What’s more enthralling than that?

No. 1 Memphis or No. 2 Tennessee on Saturday?

First, we all need to ignore the fact that ESPN rigged the polling to get this No.1 vs. No. 2 match-up for an in-state game most people outside of backwards Appalachia don’t care about. Second, how did the Vols make it up to No. 2? It makes sense for their women’s team to be up so high, but the men? Maybe Memphis is actually playing the Tennessee women-the Lady Vols fit in well with the rest of Memphis’ schedule, actually. But it doesn’t matter whether it’s the Lady Vols or Bruce Pearl’s men’s team, Memphis will run them out of Pyramid. Bruce might sweat through three jackets trying to get his Vols to keep up with Derek Rose and Chris Douglas-Roberts. Two words, Bruce: clinical strength.

Rant

Here’s my nomination for stupidest person in the sports world: heir to the LSU offense, quarterback Ryan Perrilloux. Instead of starting preparation for a run at a repeat in ’09, Perrilloux is violating team rules-probably skipping classes, meetings and workouts, or the like-and has been suspended indefinitely by LSU. Perrilloux said he’d win four Heismans. If he doesn’t pull his swollen head out of his pompous ass, he may piss away one of the best gigs in college sports right now. How hard is it to show up and sleep through a 1000-level econ class? Is it really that hard to stop playing Xbox for like five hours a day? Perrilloux was suspended last May for trying to get into a riverboat casino with his brother’s driver’s license, so maybe he’s just spending too much time honing his blackjack skills to follow team rules.