COLUMN: All holidays are happy
I think that as our civilization progresses, there are some points where we have managed to come off the correct path a long way back, and we’re so far along now that we don’t even realize it. Well, I think it’s time to step back and see where our civilization has taken us.
Sure we have success stories such as toasters and shoes that can light up when we walk, but somewhere along the lines, we’ve managed to reverse some very key things that are in need of being flipped back around.
Take, for instance, the grading system. Why does the letter ‘A’ get all the good press? I know that if we reversed the grade system, my chances for a scholarship would suddenly skyrocket. Now, I am sure there are some valedictorians out there who would argue with me about this, and they would win because they are smarter than I am, but I think they have had the limelight for long enough.
Another thing that this world could stand reversing is the score of the Utah State University-Nebraska game. Though some people might suggest that it would require an unthinkable increase in our football program’s budget, I say all it would require is a dyslexic scorekeeper.
But the one thing that has been unjustly reversed in this world, which is so painfully obvious to me that I’m shocked no one else has addressed it seriously, is that of the holidays we celebrate.
As I am doing Study Abroad in Costa Rica, I have just come off the joy of getting class canceled in celebration of their Independence Day. Though I feel partially as if I am cheating, since I have celebrated one independence day already this year, I was very pleased to join in the festivities, and take full advantage of my free day from school. (I also had to wonder what the Founding Fathers were thinking by declaring the United States independent in the summer time).
As I regretted that you, my fellow students, were missing out on Costa Rican independence, I also lamented that I was not able to share the U.S.-exclusive Labor Day vacation with you. Naturally, I wondered when the next vacation from classes would be. In dismay, I realized that it wouldn’t be until Thanksgiving, then in horror, I discovered that Costa Rica doesn’t even celebrate Thanksgiving. (Apparently, they only celebrate events that occur in their own country – weird, I know.)
Now is the point when we step back and look at where our civilization has taken us. Who among all of us, including the professors, is disappointed when a holiday comes along? The obvious answer is no one, excluding maybe those masochists out there and those really sick people who take their education seriously (shudder). So, if the overwhelming majority of us prefer having holidays to having classes, then why are we putting ourselves through this torture, anxiously waiting for the scanty oasis of a holiday to come by for our relief? Well, there is no need to keep up this ridiculous charade under the excuse of cultural “tradition” any longer. Some might say that the Macarena was a tradition too, but thank goodness we did something about it.
So, what can we do, you might ask? There is no need to complicate things. I simply suggest that we take the monumental step of reversing our absurdly disproportional holiday/normal day ratio. Of course, by this I am referring only to those types of holidays that require a break from studies and/or work, otherwise we’ll just have another one of those weak holidays like St. Valentine’s Day, where you not only go to school and work, but you also have to dish out chocolates and flowers, a lose-lose situation. If that last sentence sounded like it came from a bitter ex-boyfriend, I’m sure there is no reason for it.
Though I wouldn’t have any qualms with just naming our new vacations, Holiday No. 1, No. 2, No. 3 and so forth, I am afraid that some people out there, for some reason, feel that every holiday should have a name and purpose behind it. I am, of course, just happy to get out of classes, but if people insist on having a reason behind each holiday, then have no fear. I know that I have at least three normal names and numerous other nicknames that I could provide toward the cause (though having a “Poindexter” holiday may not be considered entirely appropriate).
However, our new holidays don’t all have to be named after me. I repeat, not all. But if you think we’re limited to just my names for holiday labels, then you are sorely mistaken. I mean, take Groundhog’s Day for instance. If the groundhog can have a holiday, what’s to stop the entire animal kingdom from having their own day of celebration? Besides that, we have a whole wealth of historical events from which to draw on. For example, did you know that on Oct. 25, 1987 Roger Miranda defected from the Nicaraguan government? Just like that, we have a holiday!
Now with all of these new holidays, some people might suggest that no work would ever get done and that any form of classes or studying would simply be impossible.
They are finally catching on.
I would love to explain this holiday plan in more depth, but I have already written more than I should. You see, today is my day off. Now if you will excuse me, I am off to celebrate Sept. 17, the Beginning of the Construction of Hoover Dam Day.
Marty Reeder is a senior majoring in history education. Any comments or holiday naming ideas can be sent to martr@cc.usu.edu.