COLUMN: Best advice-Get used to it
Recently, my roommate was telling me a story about a friend of hers. He has a girl living in another state and he made the comment that women, no matter how good things were going, always needed to be reassured and complimented, and he was getting a little tired of it.
Well, I have a useful tip for all you guys out there with this problem. Here it is…Get used to it.
That may seem harsh. I know. You figure there must be some girl out there that doesn’t need to be reminded all the time that you love her and care for her and are impressed with the things she does for you. And you might be right. There might be one girl out there who is like that, but as for the rest of them, most women, no matter the circumstances they are in need reassurance and compliments regularly, and that’s just the way it is.
You might be wondering why this is so let me explain a few things.
First of all, women are different from men in that they are constantly comparing themselves to each other. I can think of only one woman in the course of history who didn’t have a problem with this, Eve, and that’s only because there was nothing to compare her to.
When I was growing up, there was a little piece of friendly advice that floated around my house although I can’t remember where it started. It went like this, “No matter how good you get, there’s always someone better out there.”
For most women, this simple truth is probably okay, and not a real self-esteem drainer. We know there are better women out there, much prettier or sweeter or whatever than us. Women don’t want to know they are the best there is. They just want to know they can compete.
Second thing to consider is the fact that the world is really hard on women. There are so many ways to demean, degrade, and destroy the worth of women today I couldn’t even list all of them. Women are treated as trophies, playthings, hunks of meat, and so on, and that’s just for the girls the world considers beautiful. If you are one of the 90 percent of women who aren’t Cosmos version of breathtaking you are considered even more worthless.
This may seem to be a little over-generalized to you, and maybe it is. Of course there are women out there who break the stereotype. But just realize that for every compliment you give your wife, girlfriend, or significant other, there are at least ten things out there telling her the opposite of what you just said.
Last piece of important information all men should know is that women are really hard on themselves. Part of this comes from the comparison things, part of it comes from the lack of support given womanhood by the world, and part of it just comes from the fact that we are girls and internalizing self-doubt is just something we do. We don’t do it on purpose, it just kind of happens. We constantly feel we need to improve and therefore we sometimes just need someone to remind us, that while improvement is always good and welcome, we are still just fine the way we are.
So praise the women in your life. This column has been directed toward wives and girlfriends and such, but I think all women can always use a thank you and a sincere compliment from someone they care about, whether a family member, a friend, or just an acquaintance. I promise it will be well worth it and returned tenfold most of the time.
Something to consider as a final thought, women play an important role in the world. Wives and mothers is just the beginning, but even if that were it, it would be more than enough to warrant gratitude. Just think of all the things your mother has done for you.
Remember, we don’t compliment and praise women because they are needy. For most women, that is not the case. Most would survive without constant compliments. The thing is, they shouldn’t have to. Women are not needy, they are deserving, and that’s just the way it is.