COLUMN: Bringing back the lost and found
At any given moment in this world someone is losing something.
I would give you a source for that statement, but I seem to have misplaced it somewhere. But even without a source, I’d be willing to bet that as you read this, you could probably think of at least a half dozen things you have been missing recently. It is for this reason that lost and found stations are so important in our day and age. It truly astonishes me that I can lose something, go to a spot that wasn’t even near where I lost it, ask them for my item, and they can magically hand it over to me.
It is a shame that lost and found stations haven’t been around for a lot longer. It’s very possible that if there had been lost and found stations during the early part of history, the city of Atlantis wouldn’t be a mystery but instead a thriving metropolis today.
What about those pesky lost 10 tribes of Israel? They’d be hangin’ with us right now, conceivably with their own sports league.
Amelia Earheart? Probably president of the United States.
And those are just a few examples of what lost and found stations might have kept for us in the past and what they are preventing from happening now. Yet even with these advantages, I’m afraid I must report that our lost and found system is still far from perfect.
A couple weeks back I lost a hat of mine and checked in the offices of several buildings. None of them could claim to have found any hats of the same description. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to change lost and found station names to, “Lost and Occasionally Found.” Of course not. We must strive for perfection. If someone loses something and goes to a lost and found station, it should be found there. That’s it, short and simple.
You may think that I am setting high goals. I disagree. Setting high goals would be saying I would graduate in five years. Perfecting our lost and found system, however, is very achievable. This is my strategy.
First of all, we need to make lost and found stations more accessible. Much like those emergency call stations and weird sculptures, we could have numerous lost and found booths scattered across campus.
Second we should turn management of lost and found stations over to professionals. How do you determine who would be a competent lost and found professional, you might ask? Simple. You hand out hundreds of pens, then three weeks later, you find out who hasn’t yet lost the pen or who has found it after losing it. If they still have the pen in their possession, they have definitely far exceeded my own lost and found abilities (I go through pens at a rate of about two a day).
Third, and probably most important, each lost and found station must have a 100 percent found ratio. While this may seem difficult, if not impossible, I see it as effortlessly being remedied by eBay. Think about it.
Try and name one thing eBay does not have? If someone is looking for a lost umbrella, it is certain that a near exact replica could be found on eBay.
What about a lost passport? The name might be somewhat altered, but nothing a little white out can’t fix.
A lost BMW 760Li? Of course.
Some may question how we would end up paying for the eBay approach, but that is rather uncomplicated as well. When the bill comes in we can claim we already paid it and that those charging us must have lost the money somewhere in the transaction. Of course, we’ll be happy to render our services to help them find it.
Marty Reeder is a senior majoring in history education. Any constructive
criticism will be lost but can be sent to martr@cc.usu.edu