COLUMN: Critical correspondence for dummies
Our ASUSU officers are great, aren’t they? I consider many of them to be good friends. However, they are kind of a snore as journalists.
In case you’ve never read a newspaper article by an ASUSU officer, it goes something like this: “Go Aggies! Wear that Aggie blue! Going to school here is wonderful! We’ve got spirit, yes we do, we’ve got spirit, how ’bout you?! YEA AGGIES!”
It’s not their fault they write this way. What else are they going to say? If you choose to take a stand that is a little more controversial, your views will be unpopular with some. This applies to everyone, even a lowly Utah Statesman columnist like me.
If you don’t agree with a writer’s views, the opportunity to vent is available. E-mail addresses are included at the end of every letter.
I came across the Web site www.LettersThatWork.com. It includes a section on writing effective complaint letters. Based on some of the letters I have received, some students need a crash course in “Critical Correspondence for Dummies.”
Tip number one is to use correct spelling and grammar. All letters should go through a little test before delivery. Try copying your letter and pasting it into Microsoft Word. If the screen has enough red and green marks that it looks like a Christmas card, a little revision may be needed.
The following are all misspellings from the same letter: religon, hipocrasy, admitedly and atepmt.
Tip number two says to “keep your tone professional and businesslike. Do not show anger, disrespect, or make threats. Avoid profanity and sarcasm.” This was the rule broken most often.
“I read, with interest, your article wherein you rambled incoherently…”
“I find it interesting that you are a broadcast major.”
“It appears that you feel you are one of those chosen people to whom rules, regulations, and laws don’t apply.”
“Is that your problem or can’t you read?”
Here’s one of my favorites: “Is it true that you are one of those who parks in the HANDYCAP (refer to tip #1) spaces at the supermarket? I thought so!”
“…you should try going to class instead of watching Judge Judy.”
“NEVER FLY OFF THE HANDLE WHEN YOU KNOW YOU’RE FULL OF SH**!”
One student began his letter with “I’m sorry but are you a stupid jacka**?” He broke tip number two, but did a masterful job with tip number three, which says: “Get to the point immediately.”
Tip number four is not included on the Web site, but I will add it anyway. Letters should be accurate. Take this excerpt from a letter as an example of what not to do. The author wrote “while your opinion is validated under the Fifth Ammendment (refer again to tip #1) of the Constitution of the United States…”
Excuse me? Scanning the fifth amendment, it prohibits a person from being tried for the same crime twice, it says a person doesn’t have to testify against themselves, and private property can’t be taken for public use without compensation. Maybe she meant the first amendment.
Even though I didn’t say anything very controversial in this column, if you didn’t like it for one reason or another, practice your critical correspondence and drop me a line.
Finally, if you saw your letter quoted in this column, I’d like to say thank you. In between the two or three well-written and thoughtful letters, I needed people like you to give me a good laugh.
Clark Jessop is a senior majoring in broadcast journalism. Comments can be sent to clarkjessop@cc.usu.edu.