COLUMN: Dating blindly – know your level
First, I want everyone to take a break. Relax. Rest your thoughts. Don’t think about the calculus final, English paper or final group project. Now, think about the topic “dating.”
I felt inspired to respond to the issue of dating – from another perspective. In fact, I have a theory to dating. If you’ve participated in any dating conversations lately, you’ll understand. These conversations often involve a group of girls and guys who feel the need to offer dating analogies when expressing their dating concerns.
Then common questions will be tossed around such as: How do you know if he/she likes you? How should you ask a girl/guy out? If someone does bite the bullet and asks you out, does it mean they like you?
Hmm … good questions. But do we all have the answers? We’d like to think so. Before we all start throwing out answers and try to be dating experts, we should first take a time-out and ask “What do I want?” Think how much easier dating could be if everyone had an idea of what they wanted in the dating realm before asking someone out or being asked out.
This is the part many of us overlook. There are many levels a person can be on. And keep in mind, these can change on a daily, weekly or monthly basis. Here is the typical classification of levels defining one’s dating status: 1) Single, not looking (often bitter), 2) Single and “checking out the fish in the sea,” 3) Single, looking for action with no binding commitment, 4) Single, seeking occasional dates on the weekends only looking to have fun and getting to know more people, 5) Single, looking for a temporary relationship and 6) Looking to get married (person can be single or in a relationship).
And often through meshing categories three and four, there is the “friend with benefits” category. This is a great guilt-free term for getting action with no commitment and no risk to the friendship.
I’m sure there’s other categories. Some of you may find yourself in none, some or all of the categories. But if we focus on what we want versus who we want, the chances are we’ll be happier in the dating arena. Here is a scenario to demonstrate how the category system will save you from a potential dating crisis.
If a guy who is looking for a commitment (category No. 5) asks a girl out who is looking to stay single (category No. 2), there is a potential problem. She’ll end up losing contact with him and seem as if she fell off the face of the earth. This may sound all too familiar to you guys.
The guy may think it was him she did not like when it was simply she wasn’t on the same level as him. It’s not she didn’t want a relationship with him but she didn’t want a relationship with anyone.
Make sense?
Now this goes for the girls too. If you want to go on dates, have you ever considered doing the asking? Now, many girls may be reluctant to this idea. However, if you just want to get to know different people (category No. 2), then is it all that scary to take the plunge and do some asking too?
Think about it. You may agree. You may disagree. You may find yourself floating throughout different categories depending on the day. All I ask is before you jump into another conversation evaluating the mysteries of dating, know what level you’re on.
As for me, it varies from time to time.
Jennifer Brennan is the news editor for The Statesman. Comments can be sent to jenbren@cc.usu.edu