COLUMN: Everybody’s going Greek
Being a member of one of the Greek houses on campus, I feel the positive aspects are something that should be enjoyed by everyone.
Yet it seems like not every person on campus really fits in to the traditional Greek system. I am really not what I would call the traditional fraternity member, but I fit in quite well, I am even the vice president of my chapter. But what about all those who long to belong, but just don’t fit in?
While talking to several friends about the whole thing, it was decided we needed to provide alternatives for those who wanted to be part of the system. So with that in mind, we set out to provide some Greek organizations for those who are just not cut out to be standard Greeks.
What follows is the list of proposed new fraternities for the college system:
SDP (Sigma Delta Pi) The perfect math-based organization. For those who like to add, multiply and divide, this club is for you.
NU (Nu Upsilon) Are you the type of person who never looks bad, never makes mistakes and never trips or falls? Then join all the other perfect people with “No Oops.”
AA (Alpha Alpha) Alcoholics Anonymous goes Greek. What a perfect way to provide support and help keep you dry and sober. (This is Utah State and that should not be a problem.)
ESP (Epsilon Sigma Rho) “Do you need to join a fraternity and you have the special gifts? Then call Miss Cleo and find your path today.” If that seems too much work because you have already made the psychic connection, then join the other mind readers and folks with the “power” today.
SEAT (Sigma Epsilon Alpha Tau) When you walk from your class past those sleeping on the sofas scattered sparsely around campus, then you have probably met many of the members of this fraternity. The purpose is to bring together like-minded men in the search of rest, relaxation and a good place to take a load off.
ZAP (Zeta Alpha Rho) Feel the voltage with these guys. This organization is wired together in the bonds of brotherhood and are charged and ready to stand by each other. If you are an electrician or will be, then this is the place for you.
MOO (Mu Omicron Omicron) Ride ’em cowboy. For the guy who likes that jing jangle of spurs and the thrill of the open air, this is the house for you. Cowboys must stick together in an era of increasing grunge and rock ‘n’ roll, so hang your hat with us.
KITE (Kappa Iota Tau Epsilon) Really this should be self-explanatory. You take a large paper or some plastic, tie a string to it and run around the park and try to get that stupid thing to fly. Enough said.
PPP (Rho Rho Rho) Water, life jackets and oars should be enough to tell you who this fraternity is focused toward. So pull up your anchor and pledge the fraternity where a paddle is used for more than you ever imagined. So row right over and join the boaters.
NTI (Nu Tau Iota) Do you just love your Japanese car? Do you feel no one builds them better? Then don’t fret, these guys feel just like you do. A new Toyota or others makes the day, and the parking lot outside the house is filled with all of the foreign cars you could want to find.
(Eta Pi) Culinary arts never had it this good. A group of brothers who all love to cook. A pinch of service and a dash of party time all simmer together to provide the ideal temperature for true brotherhood.
LMM (Lambda Mu Mu) Agriculture and animals, the perfect mix. These guys are all about the time in the field. Homegrown and ready to party, chapters are sprouting up all across the nation.
(Psi Phi) The force is strong with these fellows. Come to the dark side and become a member of the only organization that really understands you and your obsession with space – the final frontier.
XXX (Chi Chi Chi) Want a career in film? This is the house for you. A group of young film-makers who are striving to make a name for themselves in an industry that is hard to break into. They’ll stop at nothing to get the job.
So there you have it. A listing of what I consider to be the cream of the crop in new fraternities. If you want to go Greek, there is something for everyone.
Justin Berry is the Features Editor of The Utah Statesman. Comments can be sent to Justinsb26@yahoo.com