COLUMN: Heartbreaking all the boys away
Secretly I have always had this tiny, unexplainable desire to be what I would term a “heartbreaker.” One of those girls who makes heads turn and has captured the hearts of many by simply looking in a man’s direction. I would love for men to adore me and lavish me with attention and gifts to prove their love. Then, self-assured by my overwhelming beauty, unequaled intelligence, and overall superiority I would break boys’ hearts one by one. Of course I would be allowed to do so repeatedly since all men would be so entranced by my spell of floral scented perfume and perfectly curled, fluttering eyelashes. I would continue to break hearts until the day I found someone I deemed worthy enough to be entrusted with my heart. Seeing as how most people I’m associated with would never stop laughing if I told them, I keep this small fantasy locked in the deep recesses of my imagination and it shall remain there.
We live in an interesting society, a culture that frowns on dating before the age of 16, but promotes the marriage of its young ladies before the age of 21. In 1/15 the time of an average lifespan a girl is supposed to find and marry the one she wishes to spend eternity with. If you haven’t found your eternal companion by the end of this time period you should give up the search, acquire a job at the local library, and find 20 cats to keep you company in your lonely, single existence.
I am a 19-year-old female and despite my cultural obligations I am still single. My best friend, at the age of 18, recently became engaged. She has successfully secured herself a man, someone who wants to be with her ’til the end of time. I have yet to find someone who doesn’t feel too inconvenienced to spend three hours with me.
For some reason unknown to me, practically the entire human population believes that the most wonderful icebreaker is, “So do you have a boyfriend (or girlfriend when the case applies)?”
Most women have this down to an art. Naturally, we are prying creatures. We often feel the need to meddle in everyone’s lives and delve into a person’s deepest secrets. To avoid the obvious we ask sly questions such as, “Have you been dating anyone lately?” or “Is there anyone you’re interested in?” Subtlety is foreign to men; they steer away from the skilled craft and revert to the primitive. I assume this is because they are not as clever as their feminine counterparts. When talking to a girl they think they have cleverly disguised their plight by asking, “So, umm, you don’t have a boyfriend do you?” When conversing with their own kind they skip the formality used on females and simply ask, “You got a woman?” No matter how subtly the question was posed, if you own up to the fact that you don’t have a boyfriend you are met by the same inquisitive stare that can only be interpreted as “you must either have really bad commitment problems or some sort of horrible toe fungus.”
My father is concerned. He thinks I spend too much time talking about marriage. He’s afraid I’ll fall in love and drop out of college. Somehow he overlooks the fact that according to statistics, if my love life continues at its present rate it is possible that I may be seriously dating someone by my 75th birthday. Perhaps I do think a great deal about my availability, but in my defense it is hardly my fault. I cannot escape the continuous harassment that accompanies any conversation I have with another person.
People should try to steer away from such shallow getting-to-know-you questions. When getting to know someone, people should ask sensible, thought provoking questions that really help you become acquainted with a person. Revealing questions like “What type of sheets do you have on your bed right now and why?” or “How did your parents discipline you when you were a child?” Such questions are much more expressive of a person’s true self.
I am an available 19-year-old female, but I’m OK with that. I work under the assumption that I am the ultimate heartbreaker. The girl who boys are so in awe of they don’t even dare approach her because they know she is so far out of their league. Eventually, a worthy young man despite the paralyzing fear I instill in him, will be brave enough to approach me, until then I’ll just be satisfied with my obvious superiority.
Audrey McConkie is a features writer for the Utah Statesman. Comments can be sent to amcconkie@cc.usu.edu.