COLUMN: I know because I was there
Coming out to my freshman year of college, I would get the typical question: “Where are you from?” My mood of the day always determined the response I would give. Somedays I would just say Denver, Colo.
Essentially it was true, but on days when I felt a little more secure and confident, I would give the more honest response: Aurora, Colo.
I always knew the response I would get in return. “Oh my gosh! Isn’t that where the shooting was over the summer? Did you know anyone?”
Just about everyone saw the coverage in the news: They or their friends probably even posted something about it on Facebook in support of the victims. But what they do not know is that I was there, three of my friends were shot – one of whom was sitting right between my sister and I – and many others were there as well.
It was 12:01 a.m. on Friday, July 20, 2012, and the movie was finally starting. My best friend McKayla Hicks and I had been waiting for this moment for four years.
The movie reached the point with Anne Hathaway on the screen stealing a pearl necklace and the gun scene began, only louder than what it should have been.
Everyone jumped and I turned, making eye contact with McKayla, seeing a look that will never leave me, only to see her hands cupped beneath her mouth. The blood came slowly at first, but it quickly began coming faster, a tooth falling out into her hand with it. Unfortunately, that was only the beginning to that long, dark night and the days that have followed it.
I believe an event like this is one that never truly completely makes sense. As the last nine months have passed, things have been made a little more clear. Talking to my friends and new friends who were there that night, some of the puzzle pieces begin falling into place.
Jansen Young, a woman I met at the hospital that morning, was able to run from theater nine when the fire alarm finally sounded. I was the one who pulled the alarm.
While I was not physically injured that night, I, along with so many others, saw and experienced things that can’t fully be described or understood by anyone: the screams, the blood, all of the sirens. The voices on the police dispatch still ring in my ears. “There aren’t enough ambulances. We need to get these guys to the hospital,” and “The hospitals are filling up. They don’t have enough room.” Luckily, many emergency responders did all they could and police cars began taking the injured victims to the hospitals too.
I had gone to see the movie with McKayla and my older sister Lisa. It was not until we got outside that I saw other people I knew and cared about, making everything hit even harder. So many people from my high school graduating class were in this same tragedy, becoming a part of history we never dreamt of being a part of.
One had been shot in the inside of his left thigh. I hope to never again have to make that call telling anyone’s parents they had been shot, especially when they were out doing something as innocent as watching a movie.
I had never met or talked to his parents before. Now they call me their angel. To me, I only feel like I did what anyone else would have done by informing their family.
In the last nine months, I have been working my best at living my life. I still left the state to come here to USU for school, which has been bittersweet. The small town is a nice break from the big city that is now filled with some horrific memories, but being so far away from everyone who understands and from my friends who were injured, not being able to help them through the recovery process has definitely been difficult.
I’m still the same me I was before: That is something I continue to strive for. Only now, I am always more cautious. Many things I do subconsciously. With every siren I hear or flashing lights I see, my body tightens. With every large room or big crowd, I search for the exits. With every loud noise, I jump. With all of these things, my heart starts racing.
The memories, noises and images are all always there, playing in my head like a movie that just keeps starting over and over again. And with the other tragedies since like the Boston Marathon and Sandy Hook Elementary School, everything comes back. These are things I am working on.
It is a process, but I will overcome it.
What the rest of the world does not know is for all of us who were there, we did not just move on like everyone else. But as my friend Jordan put it, “Our goal is to be refined, not defined, by this experience.”
I am so grateful for my sister who was there with me that night. Without her, I do not know where I would be now or what would have happened to me then. I am so grateful to have her love, support and understanding where not many others cannot. I am grateful to all of the first responders and doctors who took care of everyone that night.
I have been able to meet some amazing people who are so inspiring. It is unfortunate it had to be through an event like this. Every day I wear a bracelet that was given to me by a lady wearing a full cheetah outfit, who I will probably never see again. This is how I carry that night with me – something that I do not want to just walk away from. To me the bracelet symbolizes a difficult past, but is lit with hope and a brighter tomorrow.
I pass the theater almost anywhere I go when I’m back home and it is now reopened and showing movies again. I will not return there to watch a movie, but next month I will be going back inside to see the changes that have been made. In October I was able to go back into the theater to see the damage that had been done before reconstruction began.
This event will forever be a part of me, but it will not control me. My goal is to be able to share my experience with people and to truly learn from it. I will forever be grateful to the angels who watched over and protected me and those I knew that night. It will take time, but we will overcome it. Everybody poses “What would you do” situations, and now, I no longer have to guess as to how I would have to act – I did it.
I lived through it.
– Lori is a freshman majoring in business administration and event planning and hopes to become a wedding planner. She loves hottubbing and is always up for a new adventure. Send any comments to lori_schafer@yahoo.com.