COLUMN: Infestations from land of the west
THEY’RE BACK! Miraculously surviving the winter, they came back in force and now pervade the seemingly impregnable fortress of my apartment. Well, we do leave the door unlocked all the time, but I don’t think they are THAT smart. They are however THAT annoying, and I feel strongly that Logan City is shirking its duty to diminish the infestation of Leptocoris rubrolineatus.
For you non-entomologists, I’m discussing my plight with the common Box Elder Bug. Soon after arriving at Utah State last semester I was alarmed at the number of strange bugs that flew around and haphazardly smacked straight into me. I had never seen them before and wondered greatly about their kamikaze behavior … because anyone who smacks me knows he would immediately get pummeled beyond recognition.
To heighten my confusion, I often saw great multitudes of these same insects congregating on brightly colored, brick walls around campus during the afternoon. Since I’m no dummy, I was not convinced they were merely having an academic chat or a swing dance competition on a sunny vertical plane, so I did a little research.
When I found out what these little bugs were, I was pacified for awhile but soon became a little bitter for two reasons.
The first is that the elimination of the species is virtually impossible. Not that I would invest in copious quantities of insecticides, but I want better remedy than the suggested use of a vacuum cleaner.
It is not recommended to smash Box Elder Bugs, because when subjected to any life-ending “pressure” (not like the one experienced during exam week, but more like the one felt in a junkyard car crusher), they supposedly emit a foul odor and leave a reddish stain. I would only recommend smashing the suckers if they’re in your buddy’s apartment … that is unless he’s already developed a multi-tactic pheromone-based pest management system – not bloody likely.
I suppose you could use a vacuum cleaner. Suck up all the pests inhabiting your home (not your roommates); walk outside and remove the congregation from your western-facing wall, and then take the vacuum to your buddy’s house. Let all the bugs loose in his room. Now they are his problem. When he finds out, just tell him that all he needs to do is smash them. Boy, I’d hate to be your buddy!
My second frustration involves the supposition that the large influx of these insects arrive from a neighboring area, Box Elder County. I have also learned that there are vast amounts of the bugs in the Northeast. Now, Utah has been settled for roughly 150 years, and the people originally came from the Northeast.
So why, oh why did you plant a whole county full of Box Elder Trees? Either the jackleg settlers of far northern Utah lacked foresight that introducing these trees here would cause a mass arthropod migration, or they had a wicked sense of humor.
So I guess there’s nothing to do but cohabit with the Box Elder Bugs. Make the time spent with them worthwhile. Get a hammer and make a red and black-legged mural on the wall. Or better yet, train them for a miniature circus; it just simply isn’t comfortable having fleas at home (especially in your bed).
All things considered, we should count ourselves lucky that the Utah-bound pioneers didn’t come from the South or we’d have another county full of June bugs (Japanese Beetles). Although major air battles between species would provide never-ending amusement.
Garrett Wheeler is an aspiring columnist for The Statesman. Comments about his work can be sent to features@statesman.usu.edu.