COLUMN: It’s a ‘Beautiful Day’ to question U2 about sports
Good Morning and welcome to Ranger Reub’s “The Concluding Utterance.” Today’s guests – your favorite Irish rock group – none other than U2.
Grammy Award winners Bono, The Edge, Adam Clayton and Larry Mullins have graciously allowed me to have them on the show today despite the start of a rigorous tour schedule to promote their “All That You Can’t Leave Behind” album. Let’s leave all the run-of-the-mill questions behind and delve into what you gentleman think about the latest happenings in sports, shall we?
Bono: That would make this a more “Beautiful Day” for me, because I’m sick of the same old routine.
Reub: Well then let’s get started. So Bono, first of all, who’s your pick to win the NCAA Championship this year?
Bono: Definitely Arizona, Reub. The Wildcats are “Even Better Than the Real Thing” this season. The squad has the “Desire” needed to win the whole thing and besides, a team playing for a cause deserves to win this year. A college from the West needs to show the NCAA Tournament Selection Committee it has too much “Pride” and is making “Bad” decisions by creating brackets so heavy with Eastern teams.
Reub: What are the chances of Michael Jordan making a comeback with the Washington Wizards and bringing his buddy Charles Barkley with him?
The Edge: “I Will Follow” this one closely, Reub. Though he denies it, I think MJ will want to “Surrender” his semi-private life to be in the spotlight again. NBA fans will “Rejoice” if they are able to see him back in uniform again. His “Fire” and “Elevation” may help the league recover from its declining attendance. It will definitely help rekindle interest in the struggling Wizards, who are “Running to a Standstill” this season.
Reub: How ridiculous do you think Alex Rodriguez’s salary is with the Texas Rangers?
Larry Mullins: Reub, that’s “Out of Control.” I don’t think a guy should get paid that much for merely hitting a ball around – especially since he probably won’t reach “40” home runs this season. He was “So Cruel” for leaving Seattle like he did. Former teammate Ken Griffey Jr. proved that both the Mariners and the Reds were just the same “With or Without [him],” so I think the same will hold true for A-Rod. His play won’t guarantee the Rangers will still be playing in “October.”
Reub: How sick of hearing about Tiger Woods are you?
Adam Clayton: Tiger seems to be “Tryin’ to Throw [his] Arms Around the World,” and I don’t like it. “The Sweetest Thing” of the last month has been watching Tiger go through a slump and show us all that he’s human. Tiger’s definitely learning that “Some Days Are Better Than Others.” While he was winning, I guess Tiger was some kind of a motivation for all the losers out there, but I think he deserves an “Exit” from the “Promenade” for awhile and another golfer, like Sergio Garcia, should take his place in the spotlight.
Reub: How may the acquisition of Doug Flutie help the chances of the San Diego Chargers?
The Edge: The Chargers are “Stuck In A Moment [they] Can’t Get Out Of” with their current roster. It’s “Zoo Station” in San Diego right now. Flutie will “Walk On” the field and maybe help put some fans in the seats, but he’ll have to be an “Acrobat” to help them rebound from their one-win season last year. His role will be to prepare an up-and-coming quarterback, like probable No. 1 draft choice Micheal Vick into the “One” for the Chargers. I’m afraid it won’t be “Until the End of the World” that the Chargers make it to the Super Bowl again, and at Flutie’s age, he’ll be “Gone” in only a few short years.
Reub: Will the XFL make it another season in your estimation? Why or why not?
Bono: The XFL’s “Grace” period has run out. Vince McMahon is too “Numb” to see his product is failing. “The First Time” I watched a league game it was semi-entertaining, but it got old soon after and based on its ratings, everyone else seems to agree. I bet this season’s championship game will be the XFL’s “Last Night on Earth.”
Reuben Wadsworth is the assistant sports editor of the Statesman. He welcomes comments at reubwads@cc.usu.edu