COLUMN: ‘Jade Scorpian’ is a neurotic surprise
Watching a movie like The Curse of the Jade Scorpion is similar to ordering the house dressing at a restaurant you’ve never been to before. It’s difficult to tell what you’re really going to get. The flavor might be refreshingly new, unpalatable or as in the case with this film, something in between.
It stars the pleasantly neurotic Woody Allen (Crimes and Misdemeanors, Deconstructing Harry) as a successful insurance investigator who has excellent instincts about everything but women. Helen Hunt, Hollywood’s only option for an over-40 love interest, also stars as an efficiency expert who thinks Allen’s investigating style is antiquated and unreliable. It’s the conflict between the two that provides the driving force for most of the comedy.
Allen sees Hunt as a cold, unfeeling autocrat who has no business telling him how to be a better detective. Hunt sees Allen as an unprogressive sexist whose gut instincts are inferior to the more modern investigating techniques of the day, like fingerprinting.
During a dinner party, the two are hypnotized by a parlor magician named Volton and made to believe they are madly in love. He also gives each of them a key word that sends them into a deep trance, rendering them powerless to resist his commands. As the story progresses, we learn Volton plans to use his powers for more than parlor tricks, telephoning Allen and Hunt and commanding them each to rob their own clients and deliver the goods to him.
The film is set in the 1940s and has a vibrant, saucy quality. Although it is visually pleasing, with convincing sets and rich, smoky lighting, the film’s supporting characters have a bland, undernourished feel. It’s almost as if they are part of the scenery whose only purpose is to set up the dialogue so Allen can deliver the punch line.
Allen’s films are famous for being dialogue intensive, but things quickly wear thin when he is the only one allowed to provide the entertainment. Take, for instance, the role of George Bond, a coworker played by Wallace Shawn (The Princess Bride). His entire purpose in the film seemed to be to stand around and grin as Allen and Hunt exchanged wisecracks.
Still, Jade Scorpion is fun to watch – if you’re a fan of Woody Allen or the dialogue-comedy style he is so famous for. And, because so few people have heard of this film, you might just have the entire theater to yourself. We did.