COLUMN: Keep your hands off our breasts
Dear Editor,
My refrigerator has breasts. Not just any kind of breasts. These ones are special. These breasts are made out of paper and are attached to the door of our freezer by magnets. They’re nice breasts. Not particularly offensive to most people. Don’t worry, they’re properly covered by bras in the picture. Much like a bathing suit.
But some visitors seem to have some disdain for our decorations.
“Looks like I’m going to have to cover those up for you again,” says one regular visitor as he rearranges our magnets in what he considers to be appropriate places.
It’s somewhat of an inside joke with three of us roomies. Some bras you can buy in stores now come on a hanger with a picture of the bra and the name of the style written across it. It just so happens that one of us bought a “Jungle Love” bra – all lacy with vine patterns stitched in the right places. Actually, our apartment bought more than one of these styles, so we have two “Jungle Love” bra pictures on our fridge.
Just to clarify, there are no nipples showing. This is not Jennifer Lopez’ fridge. No nipples. It looks a bit like something you would see on the beach or in a Victoria’s Secret commercial. Of course, the picture is a close-up of the general breast region and as such probably objectifies women more than is politically correct, but it’s funny.
Granted, this particular rearranging individual is fresh off a mission, as is the roommate of ours who he comes to visit, but that’s no reason not to laugh at breasts on the fridge. We’ve all had our qualms about decorations throughout the house, but when it comes right down to it, this is fun and nobody’s going to poke an eye out over it.
Now, the comments are one thing. I don’t mind if people come over to the house and question our choice of decor. That’s cool. To each his own. But when you start rearranging said decorations, that’s when we all get a little bit testy.
So breasts on the fridge may be a bit out of place – maybe even vulgar. Who cares? We live there and we must see it every day. If you’re in my house for a maximum of 10 minutes, why should you all of the sudden decide to change things? Can’t you just look away? The fridge is not our centerpiece. Find something else to look at.
There may be things in your home I don’t appreciate looking at. Perhaps you have a picture of a diseased aorta with plaque halfway squeezed out of it to remind you what eating too much butter and smoking cigarettes can do to you. I don’t want to see that. I’ll turn my head to avoid looking at it. But I will not cover it up for the few minutes I’m in your home, nor will I continue to harp on the issue every time I’m visiting. Especially if it’s not yours, but your roommates’.
We understand your distaste for our breasts, but you must understand that this is our house and you are not our morality judge. I am my own morality yardstick and, as such, I’ve decided our breasts will stay. And so have two out of three of the rest of us there.
Let it go, dearest visitor. We appreciate having you in our home as you are fun to talk to and have some good mission stories to tell. But our decor is not up for debate between the residents and the visitors.
Do us a favour: Keep your hands off our breasts.
Heather Fredrickson is a senior majoring in journalism. Send comments to her at slr4h@cc.usu.edu.