COLUMN: Major changes come from major changes
I was one semester from graduating when I changed my major. I had spent almost my entire time at USU as an elementary education major before I realized that becoming a school teacher would probably cause me to either kill myself or go crazy and then kill myself.
Teaching children requires huge amounts of patience and an amazing ability to plan things down to minute details. Considering the damage I’ve inflicted on Nintendo controllers in moments of video game-fueled frustration, I should have realized I don’t have that kind of patience. And considering the all-nighters I’ve pulled trying to finish up every assignment from every class before the last day of the semester, I should have realized I don’t have that kind of planning ability.
I should have realized, but I didn’t, because I really did love teaching kids. Some of the time. The rest of time, I was either being driven nuts by little Conner, who just wouldn’t stay in his chair or trying to remember which kids still had to finish their phonics worksheets before they could go to recess. Deep down, I wanted to let them all go to recess. Deep down, I wanted to join Conner there, lying on the floor, arms and legs flailing wildly, screaming that I don’t want to do my math and you can’t make me.
But you can’t lie on the floor when you’re in charge of 7-year-olds, because the kids outnumber the adults 20 to one in a school, and the only thing that keeps them from declaring a revolution and throwing you out is a fragile air of authority the teacher carries. A teacher who shows the slightest weakness reveals how fragile that authority is and thereby surrenders control to the students, who then form a tiny mob and run rampant through the school brandishing tiny pitchforks and chanting in their high-pitched voices, while books burn and no one washes their hands anymore. At that point, you know you’ve failed as a teacher. I didn’t want to fail as a teacher, but I also didn’t want to live my entire life resisting the urge to lie on the floor and flail, so I decided the time had come to make a change.
I have nothing but respect for teachers and potential teachers, and it was tough to finally acknowledge that I wasn’t meant to be one. It was tough to go so far toward reaching a goal and then decide that wasn’t my goal after all.
Was I wasting my time working on a degree I’ll never have? I don’t believe any education a person gains is wasted. This whole experience of college and learning should be more than just a muddy road we have to slog through to get to a lucrative career on the other side. This is as much a part of life as the years we’ll spend behind desks or at Thanksgiving dinner with our 34 grandkids.
Freedom to choose our own path is a blessing and a curse. Most college students change majors during college, often several times. No one is the same person as an 18-year-old freshman as they are when they graduate four years later (or more than four. Let’s be realistic here). Don’t be afraid to make a change if it’s what you need to do. The rest of your life is too long a time to be covered in tiny pitchfork wounds.
Devin Felix is a senior in print journalism. Comments can be sent to dfelix@cc.usu.edu.