COLUMN: McDonald’s should send Ronald packing if they want to change their image
McDonald’s has a new McMenu out.
Have you seen the ads for it? They’ve abandoned the traditional colors like yellow and red in favor of forest green.
For a company that’s founded as deeply in tradition as McDonald’s, this is a big step. The new menu includes things like Philly cheese steak sandwiches and bagel breakfast sandwiches with those cheap, rubber McDonald’s eggs and that sausage that makes Spam look good.
Not your typical Happy Meal food. The cheese steak sandwich looks scary enough to make most young kids cry.
Have you ever tried to order a root beer float at McDonald’s? It sends them into a panic. They aren’t allowed to make one because it’s not spelled out step by step in the employee manual. And that which is not in the manual cannot be done as far as McDonald’s is concerned. The food world starts and ends with that manual.
“A root beer float?” they say. “I don’t know. I’d better ask my manager.”
So the little pimply-faced kid – it doesn’t matter what state you’re in, nine times out of 10 it’s a pimply-faced kid that waits on you at McDonald’s – signals for his manager, and the two of them huddle together in the corner for five to 10 minutes.
After what seems like a fairly dramatic meeting, they both come back to the register, pimple boy glued to the manager’s hip.
“Are you the person who ordered the (swallow) root beer float?” the manager asks as beads of sweat roll down the side of his face. “We can’t really do that.”
They can’t do it? They sell root beer, right? And they sell vanilla ice cream, right? So it seems only logical that they could take a cup, put some ice cream in it and pour root beer over the top.
Easy enough, right?
“The best we can do is sell you an ice cream cone and a root beer. You can put the ice cream in the root beer if you want, but we can’t do that for you. We can sell you some French fries.”
You probably think I’m making this up, but anyone who’s ever worked for McDonald’s can tell you I’m not. The manual is the Bible to a McDonald employee, and to think of making something that’s not in the manual would be like eating the forbidden fruit. Anyone who does it gets kicked out of the garden and banished to Burger King.
Contrary to what you’re probably thinking, I did not work at McDonald’s (though I did have a lot of pimples as a teenager, and, consequently, would have been a natural behind the counter).
Anyway, back to the new menu and colors. This is just a move I wouldn’t have expected McDonald’s to make. It must have required a supplemental chapter in the employee manual. Heck, they probably sent the whole book back to the printer to make an entirely new addition with a green cover.
I guess the whole idea behind the changes is to make McDonald’s more appealing to adults. As it is, they come across as a kid’s restaurant.
Of course, having a clown and a group of goons like the Hamburglar for your mascot and spokespeople probably doesn’t make it seem too much like an adult restaurant. Personally, I think they ought to give Ronald McDonald his walking papers and hire Eva Savealot.
McDonald’s doesn’t have to abandon its roots to appeal to adults. A few simple innovations will do the trick. I’d suggest a new version of the Happy Meal for older customers. They could call it the “Happier Elsewhere Meal.” Instead of the little Pokémon prize they put in the Happy Meals, they could put in a copy of USA Today’s sports section. Or maybe even a shot glass with the McDonald’s arches on it, and upon showing ID, anyone over 21 could get a free shot of McAlcohol to make their stay at McDonald’s a little less painful.
At any rate, there’s a lot McDonald’s could do to shed their little kid image other than abandoning their colors and offering a Philly cheese steak sandwich. But as long as they’re altering the employee manual a little bit, I’ve got a request: Would someone please change the recipe on the milkshakes so that they’re a little thinner? I’m tired of sucking my face inside out.
Casey Hobson is a junior majoring in journalism. Comments can be sent to
hobsonhut@hotmail.com