COLUMN: National Clean Out Your Fridge Day is here
Listen up you college cats! Today is the holiday for you. No, it’s not “Roll Out The Keg Day,” “New Engagement-Ring Show Off Day,” or even “National Missing Sock Awareness Day.” No, today is the “National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day.”
You know we as a society have too much time on our hands and not enough valid holidays to fill our calendars when we start getting holidays like the “Clean Out Your Fridge Day.” But I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised when we have other interesting and valid holidays in November, like “Waiting For the Barbarians Day” (Nov. 4), “National Deviled Egg Day” (Nov. 2), “Chaos Never Dies Day” (Nov. 9). And, unless we forget my personal favorite, “Start Your Own Country Day” (Nov. 22).
But, I digress. Back to the Fridge Day. For those that fall into the category of citizens who are staunch holiday observers, here are some tips for observing the holiday, with a few slight alterations for the college public:
1) GET THE PROPER EQUIPMENT Your list of necessary items should include rubber gloves, face mask, cleanser, industrial incinerator, (If an incinerator is not available, triple-ply garbage bags and a highly trained HazMat team will work as well), a spatula for scraping away the more rebellious food and by-products from food containers and fridge lining.
2) CONTACT THE PROPER AUTHORITIES Before undertaking such a feat, it is important you have all the proper clearance and permits. Another side note of interest may be to contact the biology department to see if they are interested in any samples for further study and to be sure they have your name for the Nobel Prize Honoree list.
3) RECLAIM YOUR FRIDGE Sun Tzu, perhaps the greatest war strategist of all time, said it best when he said, “When doing battle, seek a quick victory.” You must have the same tenacity when doing battle with the evils of your fridge. It’s best to start from the top shelf and work your way down. The reason for this is gravity. You see, the spoilage spills down and collects at the bottom, so as you cut off its supply source you will be able to battle the nasty critters that have taken refuge in the depths below.
4) REVEL IN YOUR VICTORY This usually entails of a brief victory dance at the grave of the refuse followed by a shopping spree at the grocery store so you can fill the now empty, and more importantly, clean refrigerator.
Also, after you are done from the rigors of the holiday season take a day off, relax, you deserve it. You took charge of your holiday, showed the bio-hazard you created in your fridge a thing or two, and came out on top. Take a day off to make the necessary preparations for the next holiday on Nov. 17; “Take a Hike Day.”
D’Artagnon Wells is a senior majoring in public relations. Comments can be sent to him at rhdartagnonw@hotmail.com.