COLUMN: Nostalgia is the only salvation
One of the few benefits of growing older is that you get to spend more time being authentically nostalgic. I always want to slap college kids who start getting all wistful about those old high school days. You have to be old enough to remember when both you and the nation were different. You have also lived through enough elections to know that no matter what happens, a politician will be elected. You can see that there is a difference between the two parties but it is like the difference between Coke and Pepsi. You accept that even a Rhodes scholar like Bill Clinton can be stupid and that you can grow up to be president even if you speak English as though it were your second language.
Age lets you remember that Utah, the jewel of the Republican necklace, actually had a two-term Democratic governor 1977-85. He was the father of some guy who is currently running for governor.
Age makes me wish that I could forget that I worked at the 1976 Republican National convention featuring the dynamic duo of Gerald Ford and Bob Dole who beat out some actor turned California governor named Ronald Reagan. Ironic or prophetic, you decide.
I wish I could deny it, but somebody actually saw me on television. I had no party affiliation; it was just a great short-term summer job and, like everything else you do when you are 20, a lame attempt way to meet women. It didn’t even matter that I now know that republican women are just soulless stick figures like Ann Coulter. OK, maybe it is just Ann Coulter. But those were different times and in between whoring with the Republicans I was spending Sundays with people who spoke in tongues.
I was working “security” which at that time was more like being an usher. I just checked people’s tickets to prevent them from trying to move down from nosebleed to box seats. The police were worried about hippie demonstrators and not terrorists.
If I want to really feel nostalgic at the former relative simplicity of the world, I just read the Kansas City police report that followed the convention.
Fearing major demonstrations during the convention, the police prepared for the worst. The department arranged to acquire 2,000 pairs of handcuffs, 1,000 gas masks, 250 tear-gas grenades and two school buses, if needed to transport demonstrators who are arrested. Demonstrations did occur, but were much smaller and more peaceful than expected. Indicative of the mood is a gathering at Penn Valley Park where 200 protesters show up when 5,000 had been expected.
So here we go again. The political season is in full swing. At least the Democrats had to the sense to wait until the Tour de France was over to start the convention. After listening to about nine hours of speeches at the Democratic convention, I think there is a nearly unanimous assessment that John Kerry is not George Bush. There was so much talk about “taking back the nation” that I almost thought they were going to give it back to the American Indians.
There is lots of compelling television coming up. Both the Olympics and election give mixed meaning to the word “dope.” This will all be rather funny…in about 20 years.
Dennis Hinkamp’s column appears every Friday. Comments can be sent to dhinkamp@msn.com.