Column: Not Quite Nietzsche; The perfect social life in just a click away
I’m afraid that I misrepresented myself in last week’s column. As the typical barrage of feedback came to me, I realized too late that I’d made myself seem like a TV junkie. My life doesn’t completely revolve around TV, and I’d hate for the whole campus to see me as a one-dimensional, couch-bound mollusk. I want to make very clear that I don’t spend my whole day in front of the television.
Whenever I’m feeling like the imprint I’ve left on the couch is a little too deep, I take comfort in knowing that I can stand up, walk to my computer and begin the imprinting process all over again with a new chair. Hats off to Al Gore for inventing something so amazing as the Internet. And this week, I’d like to send my personal thanks to a man known simply as “Tom” for his work in creating MySpace.
Thanks to all of the negative press it’s been receiving on Dateline and other respected media outlets, MySpace has lost some of its innocent charm. When considered, I suppose that posting your whole life story on the Internet in the hopes of creating a virtual life full of virtual fun, friends and social interaction really isn’t as harmless as it may have first seemed. But, for all of its inherent dangers and parenting problems, I stand by MySpace as the only respectable place left in the world where someone can proudly waste his or her day away.
Unlike most day wasters – books come to mind – MySpace fascination translates into real-world benefit. While science has yet to prove it, the day is fast approaching when it will come out in support of my long-held suspicion that the soft glow of the computer monitor is the safest, most cost-effective way in the world to get a tan. And while everybody may know your name at Cheers, MySpace is the only place in the universe where everyone has at least one friend – even if that friend is less the result of human interaction and more the result of some clever self-aggrandizing software development via Tom.
Since joining MySpace, I’ve seen my social network blossom. I’ve found lost friends from high school, ex-girlfriends and been rediscovered by every person I’d ever hoped to lose. But even MySpace’s worst isn’t as bad as the real-life scenario it mimics. Clicking “Deny” on a form is much, much easier than waiting until you see the whites of someone’s eyes to tell them what you really think about them. MySpace friend denial is a win-win situation. That is, it’s a win-win unless you happen to be the person who is denied. Then there’s a loss in there somewhere, but you’ll probably be too busy thinking about the sweet tan you are getting from the monitor to worry too much about the rejection.
The astute among you are realizing about now that this is most likely just a desperate plea for friendship requests on MySpace. You’re right, but hear me out. I much as I love TV, I have a face made only for radio, newspape, and a MySpace page with some fake pictures. So be kind and add me as a friend; I need something to keep me busy until the next episode of “The O.C.”
Zach Pendleton is a junior majoring in English. Comments can be sent to zpendleton@cc.usu.edu.