COLUMN: Ode to Utah girls with ratted wonders
Because I’m from Idaho, you’d think I would be more experienced in the Utah culture than people from states farther away, but Logan has proven me otherwise. The Utah wonders never cease to amaze me.
Utahns have developed a language native only to their state. Certain, apparently unnecessary consonants have been removed from common words for reasons unclear to me at this time. Those aren’t mountains, they are “mou’ans.” Was it written? No, it was “writ’n.” After all, why bother with time-consuming consonant-enunciation when you can still be perfectly understood otherwise? Obviously, those letters are not impor’ant.
Since moving to Logan, I have been amazed by one aspect of Utah life more than any other. I have found that Utah girls have been endowed with a gift. Many choose to bury their talent and conceal it within themselves. Others openly celebrate their skill and even share it with other, less-talented girls. This gift is manifested and can be found daily in the sheer, vertical height of Utah girl hair. It is both shocking and awe-inspiring.
When I am lucky enough to find myself seated behind one of these ratted wonders in class, I can’t help but ponder on the amount of time, training and effort spent daily by girls statewide on similar hair projects. Rain, sleet, snow or tornado, weather is no obstacle for these Utah wonders.
So strikingly large, so surprisingly intriguing that I find myself fighting urges to re-create in my own hair what I’ve seen in Logan. Like a poofy, hair-sprayed case of the flu, I have found Utah girl hair to be contagious. On a number of occasions I have attempted to Utah-fy my own hair only to find that I haven’t lived here long enough and I am still far too Idaho to complete this feat. Though, by admiring my picture, you’ll notice that I have come daringly close on at least one attempt to become Utah-riffic in my hairstyling.
For those of you who have been blinded by the joys of Utah for too long, I feel the need to specify some identifying characteristics of Utah girl hair. First and foremost, the height will be measurable in inches from scalp to any given point of the hair that protrudes from it. In extreme cases, air holes and space will exist within the mass of hair that have resulted from careless, sporadic ratting. When you can see light or objects through the hair that surrounds the head, Utah girl hair has occurred.
Mandatory tools in creating this effect for yourself are a can of aerosol hairspray, a fine-toothed comb, and more aerosol hairspray. A two-way mirror is unnecessary because ratted, poofy chunks throughout the back of the hair are common and welcomed in an authentic recreation.
To complete the look, one staple of a truly Utahed-out girl’s wardrobe is a spaghetti-strap tank-top or halter top with a white T-shirt underneath. After all, modesty is always the best policy. Shoes exceeding four inches in height are mandatory as well.
As an out-of-stater admiring Utah’s culture and especially hair, this is one instance where I truly don’t hate, I appreciate. Those of you who are Utah girls have really shown that hair who’s boss and I applaud you for that.
Lindsay Kite is a freshman majoring in print journalism. Send questions, comments, or more insight into Utah’s ratting techniques to lindsaykite@cc.usu.edu.