COLUMN: One more year, one more set of New Year’s resolutions
Wow, we are into another year, 2003. It has only been three short years since the beginning of this new era of time. We are still waiting for all of the Y2K problems that were feared and we are still just moving along at our normal pace.
So as our lives drive forward at the start of yet another year, it is time to take a moment and evaluate what we want to get out of the next year. I’ll break it down for you.
NEW YEARS (according to Webster’s Compact Dictionary) n — January 1 observed as a legal holiday.
NEW YEARS (according to Justin Berry’s definitions for life) n — A reason for persons of all types to party, drink, carouse and make silly goals that they will never attempt to keep, but it makes them feel better about themselves so they have a reason to continue to do the same old stuff they always have.
RESOLUTION (Webster’s) n — 1: process of resolving, 2: firmness of purpose, 3: statement of opinion, will or intent of a body.
RESOLUTION (Justin) n — see above definition of New Year’s, enough said.
I thought I might share with you my very own resolutions for the year 2003.
1. To exercise and trim down. As I approach the magic age of 30 (yes I know, I am getting old — but if you don’t bring it up, I won’t either), I have decided I need to get into better shape. I don’t mean that I am overweight or anything like that, I just would like the abs of my teens back. I would also like to get the pecs I had a couple of years ago. Now, I know this is sort of the cliché resolution that everyone makes. That is why I decided to make this my first. I guess peer pressure really does play a part in the evolution of man.
2. Work hard and get good grades. I always say this, too. I should be a good student. I mean, I should strive to get straight A’s. I should dedicate every waking hour to the study of academia. I should be buried in books and library stacks. I should eat, drink, sleep the entire world of learning. But then again I would have to surrender the dating, the friends and social life. Is that worth it?
3. Pay off my credit card bills. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Like that is going to happen.
4. Try to call my mom on a regular basis. This one might be able to work. I know, sons should call their mothers so they know everything is OK. I mean, my mother really would like to know that I am not dead on the side of some random country lane missing my kidneys, my wallet, while my car speeds off toward Las Vegas. I mean, it is the nice thing for a son to do, really.
5. Keep my resolutions. I had to add this one just to validate the others.
So there you go, a quality list of resolutions that will make the next year the very best of my life on this planet. If I am not able to make the list happen, I will feel like the loser of the century and will start all over again next January. I guess that’s the magic of the whole resolution system. A variable web of lying to ourselves and then sugar-coating it so we feel good about ourselves.
That works for me.
Justin Berry is a theater major and part-time journalist. He may be reached at justinsb26@yahoo.com.