COLUMN: Reading killed the video star
We live in a very trendy world, one pelted with peer-pressure-induced mysteries full of indecision, social deception and several pairs of Chacos. In my humble perspective it looks as if what it takes to be “cool” tends to change almost hourly, sometimes bi-hourly depending on wind chill.
This is why a recent realization gave me a stockpile of shock and awe — evidently, people still read.
I just don’t get it. It isn’t technological, it can’t be auto tuned and has never been anywhere near a normal practice by any contestant in the history of “Dancing with the Stars” — the main reason my lobby to get “Reading Rainbow” host Lavar Burton on the show has been so extensive — and yet I am continuously bombarded with Facebook statuses glaring the theme of giddy-as-bones early 20-somethings all but floating over manuscripts about adolescent wizards, far-too effeminate vampires and what has been formally explained to be games about hunger (according to my sources it isn’t the counter-plot to “Man vs. Hunger,” much to my chagrin).
What is frankly even more strange isn’t that people are reading, because we’ll always have our readers. We know them well, they usually have over-done hair, under-dressed clothes, are far more attracted to double-spaced indents than hunks such as Jonathan Taylor Thomas and know more about the origin of their knitted V-neck sweaters — probably Persian — than what a “Jim” or a “Pam” does during mating season. They clearly aren’t the issue here.
The problem that truly lies here, for what has to be some heinously indefinable reason, is that somehow reading is becoming cool. You laugh as I type that, because you — like me — are not too sure what “heinously” means. But, this newly found epidemic is real.
And for people like me who learned critical thinking from Mr. Rogers, team building from Mr. Belding, almost everything else from Mr. Feeny and — a lot more vital than you’d think — the importance of pitying those who act a fool from Mr. T. It just doesn’t add up why the most basic bystander would choose a pile of loose leaf over anything that blinks, flashes or is covered in powdered sugar.
I guess I’m just missing the mark somewhere. I’ve always felt that if all the various forms of media were sports, books would undoubtedly be jai alai — with television taking football, video games being ice hockey and playing “Oregon Trail” on PC taking no-handed mud wrestling. Heck, they need a huge letter to start all the chapters just to assure readers would stay well alert in their quest to see if Sam I Am truly eats all those gross looking eggs.
There are only two reasons I think this has come to play. First, the general public needs an upgrade from having to read textbooks. After all, there are only so many points of view a person can take on the signing of the Alien Sedition Act before concluding the event lacks plot strength and character development and, quite frankly, has a climax that is lackluster at most. There are almost four pages about John Adams dipping his quill pen — yawn fest.
Next, should a book ever get popular the general public must prepare itself for movie hype. This could also be credited to college life, as every student knows they attain subject matter from both the text and the lecture.
It almost follows the same outline if you think about it. The student studies the text, all versed by some young hotshot who had the audacity to spell “dragon” with an “e.” Then, upon hearing word of a possible movie, he or she excitedly rushes to IMDB.com — unmistakably the feature film version of Blackboard. It is finally at this point of preparation when everyone convenes to lecture at midnight dressed as the famous figures they will soon be quizzed on, sit in front of a screen and, unlike the usual PowerPoints in actual lectures, are given the subject matter they so desperately crave.
Soon hereafter, they will be graded on their final exam via a Facebook Scantron and within moments will receive their results informing them what house they reside in while attending the magic school of swine with skin growths; no, I’m not calling it by it’s name, quit asking.
Perhaps I’m wrong with my reasoning, but one thing is for sure: reading is big, and it’s here to stay.
Well, at least until Hulu is available in hardback.
– Steve Schwartzman is a junior majoring in marketing and minoring in speech communication. His column runs every Wednesday. He loves sports, comedy and creative writing. He encourages any comments at his email steve.schwartzman@aggiemail.usu.edu.