COLUMN: Super Boal bosses need youthful input
I know we all need something to take our minds off the war, ricin in the mail, a national deficit that contains more zeros than an Ozzie Osborne concert, and the lack of a viable Democratic candidate, but the alleged Super Bowl Janet Jackson flash uproar is the definition of “yawn.” I say, “alleged” because even though the tapes have been studied in more detail than the Warren Commission studied the Kennedy assassination tapes, we are still not sure if real partially obscured nudity actually occurred. Still, outrage is coming from the highest levels.
Maybe we should all be just saying, “thank you Janet for diverting our attention – if even for a few seconds – from the howling reality that is threatening to envelop us.
No, really. I’m not given to hyperbole but this is the most stupid news issue ever. Others not so shy of hyperbole have compared it to Sodom and Gomorra. Some sycophant on radio said it was the end of innocence since the guy who played Captain Kangaroo died in the same week this happened. The commissioner of football, who won’t address the steroid problem in the chemically enhanced NFL, was “outraged” by a stray female pectoral.
And besides, it should be law that what any member of the Jackson family does shouldn’t really be considered news. There were at least a dozen things more numbingly stupid and offensive during the Super Bowl itself not to mention the world in general.
Here are just a few:
The beer commercials: OK, I don’t expect a lot from beer commercials, but these were especially moronic. Topping the list was the horse fart that nearly burns the hair off a woman in a sleigh. I’m sure every third grader was rolling in the aisles.
The erectile dysfunction commercials by Mike Ditka: Seven years ago I would have been afraid to say erectile dysfunction in a bar conversation, now it is on national TV. But now that I think of it … Beer? Erectile dysfunction? Could there be a connection?
The knocking-the-old-lady-down-to-get-a-bag-of-potato-chips commercial: And you thought there were no more family values on TV?
The dog-biting-a-man-in-the-crotch commercial: You know, you can never go wrong with hitting, biting or kicking someone in the crotch. America’s Funniest Home Videos was built on this premise.
Of course these are the only commercials that made the cut. The NFL refused to have any commercials by PETA or any political candidates because they might offend viewers (insert irony here).
All I have to say is, “Please!” It is up to you people who really are 16 to 25 years old to tell advertisers that this is really not what you want. They are all middle-aged guys like me who think they know what the 16- to 25-year-old demographic wants but are really just looking at it through the beer goggles of their own misspent youth. Please tell them that you are not looking for the next Animal House. Tell them that you do have ideas, an education and a refined sense of humor that goes beyond horse-fart jokes. Or, if I’m totally wrong, just mail me some ricin.
Dennis Hinkamp’s column appears in The Statesman every Friday. Comments can be sent to dhinkamp@msn.com.