COLUMN: The 2010 election crossword puzzle
A man sitting on a park bench fills out his crossword puzzle. The date: November 5, 2010. These are his thoughts:
Okay, three across “If the Tea Party candidates who were just elected succeed in disassembling the Department of Education, what, aside from public schooling, will be affected?” Lets see, two words, 12 letters … AH! S-T-U-D-E-N-T L-O-A-N-S.
That one wasn’t too hard. Seems pretty obvious that the Department of Education also deals with many student loans that university kids need in order to actually go to college.
“Watery libertarian god.” A-Q-U-A B-U-D-D-H-A.
Eight down “Amount of federal budget Senator-elect Mike Lee suggests cutting?” F-O-R-T-Y P-E-R-C-E-N-T. I wonder how that would really affect me, the man ponders. What will be cut? Social security and Medicare are some of the biggest costs of government. Will I not be able to retire until I’m 80 because Social Security could be cut? Will I not get health care anymore because Medicare will be cut too deeply? The budget for defense will most definitely have to be cut. Does this mean less security? Would we have a smaller army? Weaker technology?
He continues his puzzle.
On a roll. Nine across “Name of the write-in Senator from Alaska that is Joe Miller’s biggest threat.” Well that one isn’t so bad. M-U-R-K … hmm … is it Murkouwski? Or Murkawski? Or Murcow … OK, I’ll just have to come back to that one.
“Democrat’s 2010 election strategy; also warfare action at sound of bugle.” R-E-T-R-E-A-T.
“Strong conservative; also a Halloween costume.” O’-D-O-N-N-E-L-L. The man recalls what he had heard of this Senatorial hopeful. “I am you.” What happened to American Exceptionalism? I know nothing of the political realm. Why would I want to send someone like me, who doesn’t know politics, to run the country? I wouldn’t want someone that doesn’t know anatomy and medicine to perform surgery on me.
He continues his puzzle.
“Supreme Court cases Christine O’Donnell could name?” Z-E-R-O.
“Best word to describe humiliation received at hands of Republicans?” S-H-E-L-L-A-C-K-I-N-G. A pause. The man remembers promises made only two years earlier. “Change. Hope.” What changed?
Murkoski? Morkoski … No, no, no. Hmm …
“Journalist on ‘indefinite suspension’ for making political contributions.” Hmm … Murdoch? No, it asks for a journalist, not the owner of a major news organization. Sean Hannity? No, too many letters. Glenn Beck? Close. Keith Olbermann? Huh … it fits. O-L-B-E-R-M-A-N-N. Why would there be such a harsh punishment for this? Sean Hannity, and even Rupert Murdoch, have given donations to political parties. Perhaps people have started overreacting a bit. Rick Sanchez could sure still use a job.
“Ironic words written on shirt of man who slammed moveon.org protestor while on ground with foot.” D-O-N-T T-R-E-A-D O-N M-E. The man recalls the violent action. It was all because of a political dispute. A girl was thrown to the ground and stomped on because she was making a political point. I wonder what religion she is. Is she even American? Maybe we should start marking people so that we can know what they are. Yellow stars could work …
Almost done, 12 down “As a rule, who won this election?” Well now, this could go a few different ways. It could be Republic … no, too many letters. What about Tea Party? No no. Americans? Hmm… Nope. AHA! F-O-X N-E-W-S. Phew, that one was a tricky one.
“Reasonably sane comic” J-O-N S-T-E-W-A-R-T. The man stops his writing, paused for a moment with a reflection of signs he saw only a few days before: “I really don’t mind pressing 1 for English.” “Use your inside voice.” “Hitler is Hitler.” “Things are pretty OK.”
A woman pushing a stroller walks by. The man’s mind begins to wander. I wonder if she is a liberal. Did she vote for Reid or Angle? Did she vote? Can’t tell just by looking. There really isn’t much of a difference. MURKOWSKI! Yes. Finally.
Last one “How much longer will it be until the American people can elect representatives that can actually fix real problems in this country?” Huh … Now that’s a tough one.
Ben Zaritsky is a senior studying journalism and co mmunication. He can be reached at ben.zaritsky@aggiemail.usu.edu.