COLUMN: The boot man: an unpopular profession
My father-in-law is a kind man. When I told him I was going to be a broadcast major he didn’t kick me out of the house and tell me to keep my slimy paws off his daughter.
In this same spirit of understanding, I hope I too will be supportive of the career aspirations of my children or their spouses.
If he or she tells me they want to be a garbage man, there is honor in that.
If he or she wants to travel around in a VW Bus writing poetry and reading it on street corners, I guess I could handle that.
If he or she wants to be the dressed-up mouse at Chucky Cheese it might be a tough pill to swallow, but I suppose entertaining kids has a positive purpose.
Even if he or she wants to be a lawyer or politician, I will be understanding.
However, with that said, there is one profession I have racked my brain to find something positive about, but every attempt leaves me in a stupor. That is the boot man.
Call me insensitive, but even if you have had a rough childhood, were bullied by the other kids on the playground, picked on for whatever reason, it still doesn’t justify making your living by putting car boots on the cars of poor college kids. It is pure evil, there is no way around it.
How can these people face their kids?
“Daddy, what do you do all day?”
“Honey, I have dedicated my life to bringing justice to those who do not respect parking permit laws and regulations.”
“Wow daddy, someday maybe I can be just like you.”
“Well, work hard, do your homework, and maybe we can get you into BYU. They have a great boot man program there.”
In defense of the boot men of the world, everyone couldn’t park wherever they wanted or else we’d have problems. However, with that said, along with the power of the boot come great responsibilities.
I believe many of these boot men abuse these privileges. I feel like I should say before I go off telling stories that many of my negative boot man experiences were not in Logan, so let’s not all set out with torches to our local kind and loving boot man. Here’s a few that have made me so bitter.
I have a friend who was dropping off some ski gear at a friend’s house. Her car was running as she ran to her friend’s door. After a two- or three-minute conversation, she came back to her running car which she had moved out of the way so it would not get in other cars’ way. Yep. There was the boot man, the great defender of unauthorized parking, pulling out his boot.
Another time I had parked my car to drop something off at my sister’s house. I was in her house for no more than 10 minutes. There was Captain Parking blocking my car from leaving. He hadn’t even had time yet to put the boot on my car, but informed me I was “in the process of being booted.”
Believe me, like many of you I have had some sleepless nights concocting in my mind a way to foil the ways of the boot man. But these crafty ideas of mine have never amounted to anything. To tell you the truth, I think I’m too chicken to carry any of them out.
The job market is awful, there is no denying that. But no matter how bad it gets, we must teach our children that boot men are bad. And if one of your sons actually becomes a boot man, and comes to ask me for my daughters hand in marriage, I’ll kick him out, put a boot on her bedroom door and never let her come out again.
Clark Jessop is a sophomore majoring in broadcast journalism. Comments can be sent to clarkjessop@cc.usu.edu