COLUMN: The most violent game ever: Mario Kombat
Over the Christmas break I had the distinct privilege of playing the newest “Mortal Kombat” video game. This isn’t a review, but I would be remiss if I didn’t at least say I was very disappointed. You’ve been warned.
My disappointment probably had a lot to do with my love of the earlier manifestation of the game. I spent hours and hours roundhouse kicking, punching, ripping my opponent’s spinal cords out and generally making a bloody mess of the video game screen. But did this make me a violent person later in life?
Not at all.
Parents, adults and other ruiners of childhood fun like to complain about the violence in video games, because they are concerned these games will turn us all into ninjas who go around ripping each other’s spinal cords out.
The problem with this criticism is they don’t look at what actually makes people who are playing video games act in a violent way. “Grand Theft Auto” isn’t the problem.
Games like “Madden,” “Mario Kart 64” and “Mario Strikers” are to blame. Yes, Mario is to blame for my violent tendencies. But it isn’t just Mario; it’s any game that pits two or more people against each other in a competitive way.
Also, you will never see anything cause more anger than when a kid’s video game won’t play. This causes a furious barrage of small fists, the likes of which the world rarely sees. Many of these punches are directed at the game system itself. I’m sure these actions killed a lot of good Nintendos, but who didn’t pound on their Nintendo when it didn’t work?
That’s beyond the point. Where were we? Competition, that’s right.
You will never hear more swearing or see more controller throwing, coffee table kicking, couch overturning and fist fighting than after a heated game of “Mario Kart.” Losing to your buddies at these games can be detrimental in several ways.
First, you are susceptible to a lot of trash talking and belittling from people who you once considered to be good friends. This is the genesis of most of the fist fights that happen between friends. I don’t know for sure, but that’s my guess.
Second, you are so angry you destroy property that may, or may not, be yours. You feel really bad because you punched that hole in your friend’s wall. You feel bad about the new TV you had to buy your friend because, in a fit of pique, you threw your controller through it.
And you still feel bad about your friend’s mom’s glass coffee table, because it happened to be where your fists landed after you brought them down in a swift motion from over above your head when you were seven years old.
This sort of violence has real costs. Besides its ability to wreck friendships, it can also cause a huge financial setback. I wish I had some of the possibly thousands of dollars I’ve spent replacing controllers that got slammed onto the floor, wall, TV, window or friend’s head over the years.
And maybe it isn’t totally the video game’s fault. A lot of it has to do with the amount of trash being talked by those playing the game. I will admit I’m not that good at a lot of video games, but I have a natural aptitude for talking trash. Once you’re in someone’s head, it’s not that hard to beat them at a Mario soccer game meant for little kids.
But if the trash talking doesn’t work, and you happen to be losing and getting angry, you start saying some very stupid, irrational things. For example: “The game cheats for you because you bought it, and we’re playing it at your house. That’s why I can’t beat you.”
Pretty stupid statement right? I’ve said it before. I guess, in our blind rage, we attribute some loyalty that the inanimate object – the game, in this case – has to the person who purchased it. Like the video game is rewarding the buyer for paying the exorbitant amount of money to own it. Or maybe that’s exactly what’s going on, and the video game makers are keeping it from us. Huh?
In your video-game-induced rage, you also accuse people of being immoral – like that jab at their apparent hypocrisy will somehow win you the game.
You say they are putting in secret cheat codes you don’t know. You accuse them of stealing stupid, mundane things, like your socks – the ones you know probably are residing in the belly of the dryer monster. And you blame them for sabotaging your latest relationship, which was actually ended because you played “Mortal Kombat” instead of paying attention to your girlfriend.
Man, maybe video games really are bad. They turn you into a monster – a friend-losing, girlfriend-ignoring, controller-slamming, coffee-table-shattering, misdemeanor-assault-convict of a monster.
Maybe the adults were right. Maybe I should give up video games.
But “Guitar Hero” doesn’t count as a video game, does it?
David Baker is a junior majoring in journalism. Comments, questions and new Nintendo
controllers can be sent to
him at dabake@cc.usu.edu.