COLUMN: The War on Terrorism
Well it finally happened, the moment our President Select has been training for, for the past three weeks, the rebuttal to the terrorist attack on America.
The only positive thing I have to say about Sunday’s attack on Afghanistan is at least the bomb-happy military leaders learned their lesson from the last crusade to act in the name of revenge and avoided using the atom bomb, resulting in wiping out copious amounts of innocent people who would still be suffering some half a century later from such an act. Well done there.
I was hoping to talk about something a little lighter this time around but, alas, we had to start bombing terrorists this Sunday. Some day of rest.
Freedom. It’s our new battle cry as we send our troops out with half of their faces painted blue. And we sit at home, in front of our alters of images, chant “War on terrorism, war on terrorism” and await the newest revelations from the award-winning CNN prophets, who know all, and see all.
I have a few questions I’d like to ask our bomb-happy leaders. What’s the definition of terrorism they use to know who to attack?
I was discussing with a friend of mine and we came to the conclusion America is defining terrorism as anyone who bombs civilians on purpose (thus excusing our war on anybody else since civilians aren’t supposed to be targeted) but there are other people who don’t share in this definition.
The Taliban has recently called our attacks against them “terrorist” acts. Iraq has called our economic embargo an act of terrorism because they feel many children have died because of the lack of food and medicine. Any definition is ultimately subjective and biased toward the nation that is going to attempt to define it.
But based on America’s definition of terrorism I’d like to know what should be done about the terrorists we still have to deal with in this country? You know, the ones who bomb abortion clinics or shoot doctors who perform abortions because their God tells them to.
What about the fanatical extremists who bomb temples of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or any synagogues for that matter? Do we go out and start bombing and killing these people? It’s a war on terrorism isn’t it? These are terrorist attacks on our country. We might as well start killing these people, too.
In fact, now that it’s a worldwide active movement, let’s get our planes up in the air and get over to Ireland so we can wipe out those IRA laddies and lasses and be rid of that band of terrorists as well. It’s the War on Terrorism people. Come on, are you with me?
We have planes in the air right now, let’s start bombing all these terrorists and get this war over with all at once. Who cares if some innocent people get killed in the process, we are bombing for a greater good. We are killing to remove terrorism.
Do you get it yet? There has to be a better way. If I remember correctly, the world didn’t band together to start bombing Michigan, or wherever Timothy McVeigh was from after he set off the infamous bomb in the federal building in Oklahoma City a few years back. No, they took their time, waited for the right moment and brought him to justice. I do appreciate the fact our government took their time to gather all the information they did before attacking, but bombing an array of cities in Afghanistan still seems a bit rash.
I’ve always looked at war as the worst possible solution for fixing ones’ problems, especially when part of the motivation is based on revenge. As for me, I’m going out to buy a gas mask and a freezer full of Ben and Jerry’s because it looks like we are at war my friends, and I’m not leaving my basement until the CNN Shaman say it’s safe.