COLUMN: Thoughts on leftists and left fists
I had a hard time coming up with this week’s column because it’s my last and there were so many things I didn’t cover. I appreciate all the letters that have come in this year, and I apologize to those I haven’t responded to yet. Had I the columns left, I would have enjoyed writing one on feminism, gender roles and stereotypes, globalization and its effects on American jobs and the developing nations, and a pivotal issue for the ’08 election season: health care. Alas, someone else will have to write those editorials now.
Before the year is over, I also wanted to re-address the left-handed civil rights movement. First off, I applaud (with both my left and right hands no less) the efforts of left-handed activists who responded. Bravo. I didn’t even know they made left-handed flags.
I personally have nothing against left-handed people and their evil lifestyle (people call me leftist all the time – it pisses me off). I identify with your struggle and am sure you are decent human beings, but enough of the left-handed compliments: Alas your lefty-lifestyle is an abomination. It says so in the Bible, Matthew 25:31-41, for starters. In fact a few minutes online revealed to me that lefties have found approximately 100 favorable references to the right hand and 25 negative verses about the left-hand. God’s will is clear – he must hate them more than the homos because there are only a few verses on them and most of those are the ones God probably wrote back when he was drunk in Leviticus.
Fortunately there seem to be very few, if any, hate crimes committed against left-handed people and not enough legislation in Congress to condemn them. Either it’s because they haven’t thrown enough parades or Republicans haven’t tapped this rich resource of hate yet. Either way, I fully support the development of a left-handed community if you think it is necessary – schools and businesses are already catering to your leftiness with left-handed desks, and what have you?
What would I know, I am just some white right-handed dude.
What I do know is what I have observed in gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender history. Most gay people don’t have a hard time finding ally friends these days, and while the percentage of hate crimes committed against them is once again on the rise, it’s not something they have to deal with to the extent that past generations have. Greater acceptance generally leads to less political motivation and community identity unfortunately.
I suppose blaming open and proud homosexuals for violence and bigotry because they are open and proud would be akin to blaming a Mormon victim of a hate crime for the violence because he/she wore a CTR (Choose the Right) ring or was speaking about return missionaries, Moroni, Hinckley or Kolob.
A final disclaimer: None of my comments were designed to minimize left-handed people or Mormons for that matter. If something looks like it was made in jest, it probably was. You probably have moments of inconvenience and have read a column written by some jerk who said that God doesn’t love you. Frustrating huh? Welcome to the club.
Just understand and recognize the difference between living in a predominantly heterosexual or right-handed world that assumes certain things about your handedness or sexual orientation (until they are informed otherwise) and being discriminated against. Political correctness, like anything else, when taken to its radical extreme, becomes ridiculous. I won’t get in a huff if you ask about my girlfriend if you promise you won’t be offended if I reach for your right instead of left hand when we meet, Agreed? My work here is done. Have a good summer – class dismissed.
Matthew Blackham is a junior majoring in sociology. Comments can be sent to matblackham@cc.usu.edu.