COLUMN: Time to lax and relax
I actually heard an economist on the news say, “Consumers have money. They are just not spending it” and that is holding back the economic recovery.
Thank you Mr. Compassion.
Yep, we are just sitting on piles of money so big we need both cheeks just to hold it all down. And, since economists have been saying this for the last five years it carries about as much weight as 30-day weather predictions. In uncertain times people act uncertainly.
In a season when everyone is feeling a little beaten up and scared this might be the right time to go back to the first George Bush’s mantra of “a kinder, gentler nation” since this spending-our-way-out-of-debt thing isn’t working out so well. If we’re going to ride this thing out, let’s do it in style and with a little less self-righteousness.
I don’t know if my generation invented it, but we certainly perfected the notion of slack. Well, it is time to reach into your inner slacker, slouch and act slovenly for a while. It’s going to be a long ride so you might as well make the best of it by making it comfortable for everyone.
The next time you feel like running over someone in the crosswalk, don’t; the next time you can’t find a parking space nearby, park on the edge and walk; let freedom ring, but turn off your cell phone; skip — not any particular thing — just skip with your feet; slouch on the couch, talk with your mouth full, write-in vote for yourself, steam up the windows of your car with someone you love.
Eat cake and ice cream and wear funny hats more often, build things with Twinkies, flatter yourself, tell your mirror to stop lying; give a piggy-back ride to a kid so long as he isn’t too piggy, forgive someone, bite the hand that feeds you, but only if it is your own hand; serve marshmallows for dinner, talk to more animals in that funny talking-to-animals voice; run amok, blather incoherently, burn some bridges, give a rat’s butt, shuffle along, have an Einstein hair day.
Make cow sounds in the grocery store, eat cheesecake for breakfast and pancakes for dinner; fly off the handle, roll down a hill, crack your knuckles, thumb your nose, pick a rose, curl somebody’s toes, don’t wear panty hose, wrinkle your clothes, run for cover, call your mother, shop at home, give a dog a bone, nick knack paddy whack, come strolling home.
Give to a charity, find some hilarity, pray for clarity, speak sincerely, put a partridge in your pear tree; write someone a poem, buy a garden gnome, throw away your comb, bake someone a scone, unplug the phone, forgive somebody’s loan, be Roman when in Rome; believe in Santa Claus, don’t hate your boss, mourn a loss, don’t forget to floss, be a rolling stone and gather no moss, stand up sit down, but don’t fight-fight-fight; fly a kite at night, protect each other’s rights, find a solution, don’t add to pollution, jump for joy, buy a kid a toy, take a walk around the block, put some Jell-O in your socks.
Dennis Hinkamp’s column appears every Friday in The Statesman. Look for him next semester. Comments can be sent to slightlyoffcenter@attbi.com.