COLUMN: Top picks for candy heaven
Ah, Halloween. A nostalgic time of year when we enjoy friends, family, autumn leaves and watching little pipsqueaks scamper around imitating characters from “Wizards of Waverly Place.”
So many different candies seem to shine ever so more brightly during Halloween than any other time of year, turning a consistently decent candy into the life of the party (yes, I’m talking to you, Now and Laters!).
Even some of the most deplorable of candies come out to play – this being highlighted by the dreaded candy corn, the Sanjaya Malakar of treats (you taste nasty, you look nothing like corn, why are you still in this competition?).
Needless to say, the world of candy makes its mark in October. Willy Wonka would be proud. Overall, there would be no better way to honor this time of year with the top five types of Halloween candy. And if you don’t agree with me, get your own weekly column.
5. Powdered Candy – What would Halloween be without the consistent supply of Fun Dip and Pixy Stix falling into children’s mouths and onto angry parents’ carpets?
The powdered candy is the sandbox for the sweet tooth, the mixture of sweet and sour, and the warm reminder that, no matter what the age or state of living, it’s always easy to stain the crap out of your lips.
The only caution with powdered candy: never let it break.
No one enjoys being caught in the confectious bubonic plague of powdered sugar contaminating the rest of the goodie bag, so see to it they are stored with the softer candies like Mounds, Laffy Taffy or the occasional random Little Debbie cupcake.
4. Tootsie Rolls – This is the only candy I feel deserves its own category. Nobody really knows what genre Tootsies fall in, but one thing is for sure, they are everywhere on Halloween.
Have you ever examined your candy-to-Tootsie Roll ratio after trick-or-treating? The concentration is staggering. Midgees, miniatures, full bars, and all other obscure sizes. It resembles General Fortinbras invading Denmark in “Hamlet”, but with chocolate.
3. Fun Size Candy Bars – Here we have the old reliables: Snickers, Twix, Reese’s, and of course the celestial Kit Kat. The fun size – or as I call them “King Size Nanos” – are the perfect mixture of sweetness and cuteness, the brief morsel of taste that just seems to take you back to your childhood, or at least the last time you’ve eaten candy.
The fun sizers are always a good choice, especially when handing out candy. I mean, c’mon, we’re dealing with small, fast, temper mental kids at your doorstep. It’s best to play it safe.
2. Frosty Coupons – Ok, so it’s not candy, and it takes a little effort on your part. But dude, it’s a free friggin’ Frosty. Just like a Snuggie, it’s fun, easy to store, and just seems to know how to warm your heart in the right way. Some find Frosty coupon distributors to be copping out, but concur I not, for in reality you are genius.
1- Lollipop/ Candy Combos – This invention was simply the making of a champion, the Jordan-Pippen of glorious goodies. The fun and meticulousness of a lollipop, filled with a gum-like or tootsie-laden surprise, candy’s closest emulation of the jelly doughnut.
The lollipop/candy combo wins for far too many reasons above taste. Sticks make them easy to grab from candy bags, for instance, and they also make great mini-battering clubs for obnoxious siblings.
But all in all these stunning suckers are the standing symbol of everything good about Halloween, minus the Simpson’s “Tree House of Horror” episodes.
Halloween may be your time to shine, or possibly not your cup of tea. Each is fine, but no matter what the case, make sure to load up on some sweetness this year.
Unless, of course, if its candy corn or those pumpkin-shaped Peeps. Feel free to throw those abominations into on-coming traffic.
– Don’t agree with Steve’s picks? Either take his suggestion or email him at steve.schwartzman@aggiemail.usu.edu