COLUMN: Undies aren’t a fashion fauxpas
The idea of wearing clothing is often very oppressive to me. Why confine yourself to turtlenecks and boots? Why force yourself to cover up and not let your body breathe?
True, decorum and tact say that in our society it is vital to make sure we are covered and non-offensive. True, to be naked in society is frowned upon by everyone. True, clothing has been around for years and people seem to survive.
I just don’t always like clothing. I enjoy my “naked” time as much as the next person, maybe more. But it is not wise to practice this type of behavior. If you do, it is likely you will end up in prison wearing a bad, and I do mean bad, orange jumpsuit.
So, the solution seems simple, underwear. It is a very good choice.
But not all underwear is appropriate to be seen. I would say it is a bad idea actually. Think of the undies that Renae Zelwegger wore in Bridget Jones’s Diary. Not a good plan.
Underwear may need to function, but it also needs to be presentable.
Now, I am in no way the authority on the subject, but I have my opinions. Right or wrong, I have them and there is nothing you can do about it right now (except stop reading, but then you might miss out on something inspirational or profound.) And when it comes to women’s underwear I have very little experience with it. I have never worn it, so I am not the person to ask.
I have to admit, I have followed some of the trends in female undergarments, but who hasn’t. The best example would be the Wonderbra ads. Who can miss them? They are the prime example of when good underwear goes public. And with massive ads plastered all over the major cities, it is not a bad thing.
But let’s talk about something I know. There are several main types of underwear. I have put them into the following categories: Tighty whities, boxers and miscellaneous undies.
Tighty whities is a term everyone knows. Every pre-teen boy wishes he didn’t have to wear them. Think about every Christmas while you were growing up. You (if you are male) or your brother always got a package or three. What are you supposed to do? Tell your mother that you are now a man and need to graduate to the real man’s underwear … boxers.
Boxers are the underwear of choice as far as I am concerned. For the “free” days you can wear the traditional boxers. For all other occasions the boxer brief is the unmentionable of choice. The best of both worlds.
Now the miscellaneous category. This is one that scares me. I have visions of thongs, bikinis and contour pouches. Not pretty. Not pretty. Why would you wear them?
I have often wondered what my life would be like if I wore only underwear. I freaked out. I have become such a labelhound I realized I would die if I could not wear my Abercrombie. I settled on the fact I would save a lot of money on clothes if that was the case, but I would not be happy about it. So, I have come back with the realization that the labels have solved this for me. There is a grundle of designers who have put their logos on the waistband of underwear. At least I will still be fashionable.
Justin Berry is a features editor for the Utah Statesman. Comments can be sent to justinsb26@yahoo.com