COLUMN: USU Alumni Center should house alumni
There are many downsides to finally graduating from college. One downside is that you will be receiving phone calls for the rest of your life from the university asking for donations, since, apparently, you didn’t pay enough money to the university as a student.
The main downside, however, is that after graduation you no longer have an excuse to not join the “real world.” The reason entering the real world is a downside is that you are required to say goodbye to dozens of your old college habits. Goodbye to your days of student discounts. In the real world you have to pay full price. Goodbye to your days of watching the Simpsons. In the real world they watch C-SPAN.
Goodbye to your days of living off of microwave popcorn and scraps left on tables in the Hub. In the real world you have to sit down at the dinner table and have home-cooked meals made from scratch. Oh, and of course you can give a very fond farewell to living in an apartment.
In the real world you have to buy a house.
Do you have any idea how complicated the procedure is for buying a house? Let me give you a little preview. Buying a house will involve such intimidating terms as, “mortgage rates,” “financing,” “appraisal,” “home equity,” “octopus,” “fixed-rates,” “APR,” along with dozens of other incomprehensible, yet freaky words and acronyms. (OK, “octopus” is not normally a term used when buying a house. I was just seeing if you were paying attention.) Besides these worrisome words, there is also the chore of actually maintaining the house, paying utilities and dealing with neighbors. In short, buying and owning a house is a nightmare.
Is there no other option but to jump into the real world feet first and take your hits like everyone else? Actually, for those still hoping to shirk responsibility, there is another option. You see, one upside of graduation that I didn’t mention is that from the moment of your commencement ceremony and on you will be known as “alumni,” obviously a very cool-sounding, sophisticated word. And yet, besides just a cool thing to call yourself, being alumni can also open the door to a new housing option besides actually having to buy one.
This solution, as it were, happens to be right on our very own campus. I don’t know how many were aware of it, but USU has an alumni house. That’s right, alumni house, as in “a house for alumni.” Why throw yourself into a money pit trying to buy your own house in the real world when USU has generously provided one for you? What free abode is this, you may ask. Look no farther than USU’s David B. Haight Alumni Center, the homely building just west of the Widstoe building.
Now some of you may assume that I’m taking a little bit of liberty in assuming that “alumni house” automatically indicates a place where graduated students can just set up camp anytime they want. Further investigation into the USU Web site, however, shows several instances where the alumni association actually backs up my very own suggestion. They describe the alumni center as,”the campus home to everyone who attended Utah State University,” and they emphatically state that, “This center belongs to all Aggies.” I don’t think that ownership could be more blatantly spelled out. (By the way, if you actually go to the Web site to find these quotes, I encourage you not to look under the “Rental Rates and Fees” link, as it may discourage your attempted alumni house squatting, and as it may absolutely debunk my proposed solution.)
So come graduation time, there is no need to be intimidated by the real world any longer. The aptly named alumni house will quickly dispel any and all real world housing woes. I look forward to meeting all of my new roommates in May … and I hope no one is offended by Little Mermaid pajamas.
Marty Reeder is a senior majoring in history education. Comments or reservations for the bathroom can be sent to martr@cc.usu.edu