COLUMN: What I believe
One of the benefits of living in Utah and accepting the daily “us” and “them” demographics is that you are often forced to consider what exactly you believe in. You could spend your entire life in equally obscure states such as West Virginia or Missouri and never be confronted with an issue more ethereal than weather predictions or baseball statistics.
A belief system is something you need to keep handy like a fire extinguisher or a Phillips head screwdriver, so I decided to write it down.
I’m a pragmatic idealist; I no longer think that Linex, hemp and vegetarianism can save the world mainly because to believe this requires belief in the flaccid god of conspiracy. A government that was too inept to take out Castro could not possibly be manipulating the economy.
I believe management almost always gets it wrong. People don’t just want money, they want meaningful work.
I don’t believe anything candidates say, especially the ones who are on “my” side. I don’t believe anybody really voted for Ronald Reagan twice, subscribes to Reader’s Digest or buys pickled pigs feet.
I do believe that given a chance of getting away with it, most people will lie. I believe most people are so envious of handicapped parking spaces that seldom stop to think about what being handicapped really means.
I don’t believe that even 1 percent of people cheat on food stamps. They shop at 2 a.m. because they are saddened and embarrassed. I don’t believe there are big differences in the major religions and what difference there is isn’t worth fighting for and is barely worth arguing about.
I don’t believe cleanliness is anywhere near godliness, but I do believe righteousness is nowhere near thoughtfulness. I believe it is a lot easier to wrap your mind around saving a forest than it is to solve poverty and that’s why there are more environmentalists than homeless shelter volunteers.
I believe cute little kitty cats kill more cute little songbirds than they are worth and that dogs are better at making people change their behavior than most spouses.
I don’t believe anybody ever solved a car problem by listening to the Car Talk guys but that after listening to them you feel better about your bad choice in vehicles. I believe James Brown and Noam Chomsky are the only too “cool” people in the world even though for entirely different reasons.
I believe houses are an extension of your ego and some people have very large and ugly egos. I believe everyone who talks on their cell phone while they drive ought to be forced to work in telemarketing for the rest of their lives if they like phones so much.
I believe Ralph Nader would have made a terrible president but nobody would notice the difference. I don’t believe Bill Gates is truly generous or truly evil. I believe most things live fat and happy wallowing in the muddy middle.