Column: Why do nice guys finish last?
Ah, the nice guy. The guy that never becomes more than a friend and endures hours upon hours of listening to girls complain about how guys are jerks and, in turn, he gets over looked. He gives his all to help that special someone, yet it’s never enough to win her heart. Hence the phrase, “Nice guys finish last.” But why? He does everything that a girl could ever dream of, yet he’s usually the one driving home trying to find all the pieces of his heart.
I was interested to see what women on campus thought of this. I thought maybe this was a myth, created by guys who don’t have any luck with ladies. In a poll taken at USU, 50 girls were asked, “In general, and with a non-biased view of the comparison between what women say they want in a man and what the normally have, get or settle for, would you agree that nice guys finish last?” Thirty-nine said of them said yes, nice guys finish last. They made comments like, “We want a challenge too and nice guys aren’t a challenge.” Or, “Someone that is sweet and nice can be suffocating.” The best I think was, “A nice guy! Where’s the adventure in that?”
The kicker was the follow-up question I asked, “What do you want in a man?” All 50 said someone sweet, nice, caring, funny and respectful. Hello, isn’t that the definition of a nice guy? How is it then you can say you want someone with those qualities, yet say that nice guys finish last?
The classic case of saying one thing and doing something completely different, but the thing is I don’t believe they even know that they’re doing it. A majority of the girls I talked to didn’t realize they had just contradicted themselves with saying that nice guys finish last, but they still want a sweet, caring guy.
They tried to explain why they thought nice guys are always number two. They said they want excitement, and can’t get that from a nice guy. Some suggested girls are in denial trying to convince themselves that the jerk they’re dating is a nice guy. Also, they have too much going on in their lives to deal with a nice guy. Oh, wait, I can see how getting flowers, little love notes and compliments can be so annoying. Give me a break! Do you girls really know how hard it is to go up to some girl and ask her out?
No guy will ask a girl out unless he likes her. We are trying so hard to be original and different, so we stick out to you and let you know that we think you are original and different. So just cut the nice guy some slack.
I admit that some nice guys can be really suffocating with the way they act, but still the same. Is that really what you girls want in life? To dream about a guy that does everything in his power to make sure you feel like the most special girl in this world but then catch the 7 p.m. show with some punk and say that you’re living the dream? Wake up!
Now, for the sake of not getting my hair pulled and my face scratched, I want to say a couple of things to you guys out there that agree that the “nice guy” is always in last place. Us guys need to understand that we sometimes do things, though having the best intentions, still end up scaring the girl away.
We all know the feeling of meeting new people and the excitement that comes with going on that first date, but come on we all know that love at first sight only exists in Hollywood. There is no need to make up your mind after one date that she’s the one.
Typically, there are three things that some nice guys do that seriously ruin their chances with that special girl, and let’s be honest with ourselves when we talk about this.
First, making that person the center of their life too fast and too soon and then the emotional roller coaster begins. That is way to much pressure for a girl to handle. Why do that to yourself? Don’t limit yourself, fellas.
Second, being too submissive can be a crucial mistake. Believe it or not, all girls like to be controlled on a small scale and in the poll I took, a couple of the most attractive qualities mentioned was men being assertive, knowing what they want, ambitious and taking control. I have a friend that used to have a backbone and a pair, but now he can’t do anything without thinking, “What do you think she’ll think?” I want to throw myself in front of a bus when he says that, and he’s been “dating” this girl for three weeks. Buck up and don’t be afraid to let her know what you think. You don’t have to be a jerk about it but find that happy medium.
Thirdly, trying to spend every free moment with that girl. I know that once you find a girl that you are totally into you want to spend as much time with her as possible, but you need to play it cool. Realize that she has other things that she needs and wants to do, and if you keep bugging her to hang out, she’s going to get tired of you. Give her a little at a time and then sit back. In early dating, half the excitement is discovering new things about each other. Girls want a challenge too.
Look, we need to understand that with time all of these things will change. I truly believe that the future Mrs. Anderson, wherever she may be, will be the center of my world and I will do all that I can to deserve her and let her know that she’s the most important person to me, but not from the get-go.
Let’s face the facts. When it comes to the opposite sex, anything can happen. So, chicks, quit living in fantasyland, come back to earth and try to understand how hard it is for guys to come up and ask you on a date. Have some freaking patience with that nice guy, and if he’s doing something that bothers you, tell him about it – just don’t drop him.
Fellas, just chill out a bit and realize that you’re the man! Don’t be forcing things and let things just happen. If she says no or totally blows you off, that’s her loss not yours. I know I’m no Dr. Phil, but people…let’s be serious about this and just try to understand each other a little more.
Scott Anderson is a guest columnist at The Utah Statesman. Comments can be sent to seanderson@cc.usu.edu.