Dear Aggie

Dear Aggie is the Statesman’s advice column. Send any burning questions or restless thoughts to dearaggie@usustatesman.com.

4/24

Dear Aggie,

I’m an under 21 out-of-stater with no car and very limited funds. What can I do around Logan? I know there’s a lot to do on campus, but I’m looking for something more. Something fun. Something you don’t see every day. I’m looking to divert from the normal. Something I wouldn’t typically think about or do. Any advice or suggestions for things to do or places to go?

I’m also looking for advice on how I can seize the moment. I don’t want my time in Utah and at USU to be regretful. I would say I’m pretty involved on campus, but I’m looking for more. Loaded and subjective question, but how can I live a fulfilling life?

Thank you,
Wondering Aggie

DEAR WONDERING,

It’s hard to provide specific recommendations for something that diverts from the normal, since the normal looks different for everyone. Still, Logan is full of opportunities to try new things. If you’re into the outdoors, or even if you just like going on walks, Logan Canyon has several fun trail options near the mouth, so you wouldn’t have to find a ride far into the canyon. In terms of transportation, take advantage of the free bus provided by CVTD – it will take you all around town and even all the way to Preston if you want to take a longer trip. And despite what the past few months have indicated, summer is approaching quickly, so walking and biking will soon be much more enjoyable.

Downtown Logan has a lot of life, so I would recommend spending some time there. I always love spending an afternoon wandering around The Book Table or an evening watching a classic film at the Utah Theatre. You can check out the Cache Valley Gardeners’ Market, which features local vendors and music, on Saturday mornings at the courthouse from May to October. Other local artists perform at Whysound, The Yellow House, and restaurants like Jack’s Wood-Fired Oven.

You’re probably aware of the large campus events put on by USUSA, but there are a ton of clubs on campus – archery, effective altruism, philosophy, snow sports, and film, to name a few – that host smaller activities you might not hear about. You can find a full list of clubs at usu.edu/involvement/clubs/club-list. You can also visit usu.edu/calendar to find a full list of upcoming events across organizations on campus, including presentations, concerts and service opportunities.

But before you do any of that, you might want to take a moment to catalog what your current days and weeks look like. What are you involved in? If your normal routine is class, homework, errands, TV, sleep, repeat, then now is a great time to switch that up by doing something new. But if you’re involved in a whole bunch of activities, you might want to consider making a more sustained commitment as your “something new.” Everything in our world, from fast food to entertainment to news, is increasingly designed to be brief, and our attention spans have shortened as a consequence. Jumping around looking for something new, whether it’s a new show, a new hobby, or a new outfit, can be fun, but that newness comes at the expense of consistency. There’s value in committing to a particular hobby or endeavor, to really diving into something new rather than just skimming the surface in a futile and cyclical attempt to satisfy an insatiable hunger for novelty. If you really take stock of your life, you might find that you’re favoring breadth over depth – consider what you can commit to more fully in order to rebalance the two.

I think we often feel an expectation to “seize the moment” in a big way, whether that’s by being more spontaneous, facing a fear, or stepping wildly out of our comfort zones. All of those things can be good, but if they become your only defining pillars of a fulfilling life, I think you might end up disappointed. Being fulfilled is so much more about tuning into yourself than it is about meeting an external requirement or doing something cool for Instagram. Running around and around on the hamster wheel, trying to catch up to some more exciting version of you, becomes exhausting. When you learn to be honest with yourself about what you want from your life, you’ll either be motivated to discover something new, or you’ll find that you’re more satisfied with your status quo than you originally thought. Either way, it’s worth the effort to get to know yourself better.

10/24

DEAR AGGIE: 

I met someone and am very interested in them. We have gone out on fun dates, and we want to be in a relationship. However, I just found out they have dramatically opposite political beliefs than me. I am willing to have open and honest conversations about this, but I don’t know how to approach it. Help! 

-Concerned Crush

DEAR CONCERNED:

If you approach a political conversation in a direct, partisan way (ie, ‘So I’ve heard you’re a Democrat,’ or ‘I saw your bumper sticker – are you a Republican?’), it’s not likely to go over well, or at least not productively. Instead, think about bringing it up in relation to something happening in your life or in the Logan area. If you’re voting in the upcoming elections, mention something about your ballot when it comes in the mail, and then ask them if they’re registered to vote. You could bring up a topic from a recent lecture that you’ve been thinking about, or mention something you heard in the news.

You can also try approaching the conversation topically. Even if you hold strong beliefs about a certain subject, you’ve probably considered exceptions to the rule or complicated circumstances where you don’t have a great answer. After briefly explaining what you currently think or understand about a situation or issue, ask them what they think. Offering up those quandaries for discussion can be a good way to learn more about what this person actually thinks, rather than what their party affiliation might associate with them. Plus, acknowledging from the beginning that the topic is something you’re unsure of the answer on will encourage humility and honesty in the conversation.

Plan to talk next time you take a trip up the canyon or down to Salt Lake –  I usually find that tough conversations go better in the car. Neither one of you would be forced to hold eye contact, which can make conversations more intimidating, and you can have some music on in the background to ease any tension. A casual circumstance like a car ride will lower the conversation from a formal inquiry to a genuine conversation.

Whenever you have this conversation, pay attention to how this person responds. If they become angry, dismissive, or accusatory, or if they disengage entirely, be aware. If they engage in a respectful, considerate way, take heart. Demonstrating a willingness to discuss complicated issues means they have more in common with you than not.

Since you took the time to write in, I can tell that you value this potential relationship enough to look beyond your first impressions of their political beliefs, and I commend you for that. In having these open and honest conversations, keep in mind that political beliefs and ethical values are two different things. It is possible to have a fulfilling relationship with someone who holds differing political beliefs; it is far more difficult to connect in that way with someone who holds different morals. Although you might enjoy their company, trying to develop a romantic relationship with someone who doesn’t understand you or what’s important to you is exhausting and unfulfilling. Communication can bridge the political gap, but comprehension is needed to bridge an ethical one. So, don’t feel bad about stepping away if you find out this person isn’t compatible with you in the way you expected – it’s better to make an informed decision to back off than to move forward with only assumptions. Best of luck!

10/10

DEAR AGGIE:

I’m a senior graduating this year and am panicking because even though graduation isn’t until May, I have no idea what I’m going to do. I don’t know where I’ll be working or living or going to school and I’m the kind of person who needs to know what’s coming next. I plan to go to graduate school and that process alone feels overwhelming, let alone finding a “real world” job and finding an apartment somewhere other than where I’ve lived the past three years. Any tips on how to make this less stressful? Do you know what resources USU offers to help seniors find jobs right out of school? How can other students who aren’t seniors, prepare for the future?

-Stressed Senior

DEAR SENIOR:

Congratulations on your upcoming graduation! 

If you’re looking for an easy, actionable step, the Career Design Center is a great place to start making a plan for after graduation. You can meet with a career coach who can help you search for professional employment opportunities or prepare for grad school. These coaches are specific to each college, so you’ll get tailored advice for your field of study.

If you’re not ready to meet with a coach, but you still want a better picture of what your post-grad life could be, check out the “First Destination Results” page on their website. It will show you data about other graduates from your college and major — who is working professionally, how much they are making on average, and what state they’re in. This is a really useful resource to gauge what areas of the country might be a good place to start looking for a position. The data also shows the top employers of students from that college, a helpful snapshot if you’re interested in working for a specific company.

As for the stress – don’t trick yourself into thinking that by not having a set plan for after graduation, you’re behind. College to the workplace is a big transition, so give yourself space to acknowledge the uncertainty.

Stress can quickly turn into a roadblock when it looms large enough to scare you off from doing something. One of the best ways to handle stress is a two-pronged approach: act and distract. Take five minutes to make a goal and a deadline; for example, scheduling an appointment at the Career Design Center before the end of the month, or making a list of the top five states you’d like to live in by the end of the week. That’s the act. Then, distract. Once you’ve made an action, you’ve done your part, and stewing about the stress will only make it worse. Commit to doing something that will take your mind off the stressor, whether that’s doing a hobby, watching your favorite movie or hanging out with your roommates. Until your deadline has arrived, you are free to think about other things. Then, repeat the process. Dividing up a terrifying goal like “Be a real adult in a new place with a professional job” into small pieces with clear deadlines will help you tackle it at the right pace.

Remember: there is no timeline. You are not behind, nor are you ahead. You’re just where you are, and that’s the right place to be.