Enough.
Trigger warning and editor’s note: The following article contains references to sexual assault.
Growing up I was terrified that my mother or sister could be a rape victim. I would tell myself that if they were never alone in a rough neighborhood in the middle of the night, it would never happen to them. That’s what I thought sexual assault looked like: back alleys with serial villains in the middle of the night.
Now I know it doesn’t look like that. I don’t know if it’s because I grew up or rapists’ tactics have changed, but it looks a whole lot more likely now. It looks like average parties, late nights in the workplace, this college campus. It looks even more terrifying.
It’s sick. It’s frustrating. It’s become a way of life in this country. According to a recently published study by the Association of American Universities, 23 percent of female undergraduate students in this country will be a victim of sexual assault. According to the study these are “due to physical force, threats of physical force, or incapacitation.”
Do you know five women on this campus? This study suggests that one of them has experienced this. The study also says that reasons for not reporting assaults include “embarrassed, ashamed or that it would be too emotionally difficult.”
This angers me for two reasons; the first is that the fact that it’s embarrassing for survivors to report. As a country we should be embarrassing the perpetrator. We should be shaming the selfish, twisted people that perpetuate such violent acts.
The emotional impact is one I can’t imagine. As a man I do not go to parties afraid that I will be a victim of sexual assault. I walk around campus unafraid. It is something I fully admit I take for granted. My heart breaks because people on this campus and in this world live with that fear.
This is an issue that should anger everyone. The fact that 23 percent of women in this country who are just trying to get a higher education will be violated in a horrific and disgusting way.
Last year I covered a few sexual assault and abuse cases that happened on our campus. I received police reports and read through them. They are the most horrifying accounts I have ever read. They made physically ill; one staff member working with me had nightmares about it. These are events that happened at USU, even though they sound like they came out of a bad movie.
I understand what will happen with this column; most people will read it and it will become just another media piece about this topic, which is constantly in the news in some capacity. Most people will read this and move on. But the fact is that some people reading this will be or have been survivors of sexual assault; some who read this will probably be the assailant.
So here is what I have to say. Enough. Stop. If you can’t keep your damn hands to yourself don’t go to parties or walk around campus. We should be teaching men to avoid these situations if they can’t handle themselves, not teaching women to live in fear.
— Jeffrey is a senior majoring in journalism with a minor in religious studies. Feel free to contact him at dahdahjm@gmail.com or on twitter @dahdahjeff.
Is it completely unheard of to tell *both* men and women to avoid alcohol because of the repercussions? I avoid the term party, because parties aren’t inherently wrong. I’m not Mormon, but I hear institute parties are pretty tame. If you “just want to party,” there are some great, low risk options available.
When it comes to alcohol, I’m under the impression that both sides know exactly what they’re getting into. I’ve personally tried and failed to talk the closest women I know out of running off, getting plastered, and getting violated, like some kind of masochistic complex. It’s heartbreaking, it hurts, and it makes me fear relationships in general.
My point is, not all women are innocent just as not all men are rapists –and I’m f***ing tired of being treated like a rapist. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for consentual sex. Rape is wrong and disgusting, and I feel sick just thinking about it. Only to me, there’s a difference between rational partying, and outright stupid behavior. I’ve seen the best and worst of people quite personally.
Are you asserting that if a woman drinks alcohol at a party, she’s asking for it? And that women who drink at parties are sluts? Because that’s a pretty f***ing messed up way of thinking about women. And if that’s not what you’re arguing, then I’m really not sure what your comment was all about.
No? He is just stating that there is a party culture, and at specific parties inhibitions are thrown away. But it doesn’t happen just like that. When you drink, to a certain extent you go and do what you may already want to do.
He is saying, I assume from personal experience, he has seen girls who drink and then go for it. Which is sending very confusing signals. It is okay to hold women and men accountable for their actions.
Why is it when men drink and do sexual things they’re held accountable but if a women should do it she should be excused?
I feel that your argument is flawed Dave. If a woman feels that she wants to go out and drink or go crazy with her friends, that does not mean she is giving consent for what may happen that night. No matter her mindset she should feel comfortable going out.
The most important thing we can do is to stop over sexualizing the world for young men and teach them to view women as equal and respectable people. It starts in the households.
Didn’t say they were asking for it, sorry. I went in with the assumption that people go to these parties because of the sexual drive, the rush you get from pushing limits, being on the edge, so perhaps we’re considering two different kinds of party here.
In my experience, it’s going to be a bad idea. These parties exist for the reasons I just described, and it’s foolish to go to them expecting nothing crazy to happen. Hint: parties without the opposite gender are usually lame. Goes to show that intentions may not always be conscious.
IIRC, you can’t give consent while intoxicated, either. This gives women the clear upper hand in the event that she simply regrets it. Perhaps this is the reason for so many “unreported” cases, it’s easier to tell your friend you were forced than that you made bad decisions, but harder to tell a judge.
That’s the grey area I’m describing here, and at risk of joining the shitstorm that are typical feminist articles, I’ll be off.