Five students talk openly about sex
Sex.
That’s what a panel of five Utah State University students were not afraid to talk about Thursday during an open public discussion titled, “What’s the Big Deal About Talking About Sex?”
Students filled the Taggart Student Center Sunburst Lounge to listen to Allie Mendenhall, Kelly Mendenhall, Jamal Jaber, Cy Martz and Safiyyah Ballard speak about how to develop positive relationships and set sexual boundaries.
The panel emphasized different aspects about relationships, including understanding the importance of communicating with each other, showing respect for each other and knowing each other well enough.
Allie said, “When it comes down to it, you love someone for who they are.”
Her husband, Kelly, reiterated her idea.
“For me, sex was just a bonus. It was something I looked forward to, but it wasn’t why I got married.”
Jim Davis, director of the Student Health Center, introduced the panel and asked questions.
“We don’t have a very diverse panel. I don’t want you to think we didn’t have an attempt at a balanced panel. We found it very difficult to find people who would come up on a panel and talk about their relationships, talk about sex and other things,” he said.
However, the opinions of each of the panelists varied significantly depending on the topic.
Allie and Kelly Mendenhall waited to have sex until they were married. But the rest of the panelists are single and sexually active. Some of them agreed that it is more difficult at USU to find a partner than in other places.
Ballard said, “First of all, I’m black and second, I’m not [a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints], and that really puts me outside the market. For me it was obviously hard.”
Martz, who is a homosexual, experiences the same difficulties with trying to find a partner in a culturally homogenous community.
“For me I guess it’s a difficult thing to try to find partners — not so much because there’s a lack of them, but there is a stigma around homosexuals that some people don’t want to be gay, they just want to be socially gay,” he said.
Jaber, who has sex with multiple partners, disagreed, explaining that “it is difficult to find a partner no matter where you live.”
Davis asked the panel what they think the most difficult thing is about communicating with a partner.
Mendenhall said, “When we first got married, I soon realized that a guy thinks totally different from what a girl thinks. The first part is about totally talking about it. Try putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, and think how a girl would respond to this and how would a guy respond to this. For me, it was basically open communication.”
Ballard, who has been involved in a heterosexual monogamous relationship for the past year, said she realized open communication is the best thing for a relationship.
“We talk about things, and we address issues as soon as they come up,” she said.
When communicating to a partner about sex, Jaber said, be specific.
“I just say this is what I want to do; this is what I want to see. I think that’s the best way to go about it. I think we’re just a little bit too old now to play games,” he said.
Kelly said he feels his responsibility regarding sex is to please his wife through showing affection.
“You pretty much complete the union when you have sex,” he said.
In response to that, Allie said it all goes back to communicating.
“You have to talk about sex whoever you are with, and if you can’t talk about sex, it’s not going to be enjoyable for either one of you,” she said.
Jaber emphasized the importance of respect and responsibility.
“When it comes down to it, will you respect that person when all is said and done?” he said.
As far as safe sex is concerned, Martz said using a condom is the most important thing.
“It doesn’t matter if you’re in a monogamous relationship or just a one-night stand. Make sure you both know what you’re getting into,” he said.
The panel agreed that in any relationship, sexually transmitted diseases should be a concern for every person.
Ballard said, “If I don’t know that person well enough to know beforehand what they have, then I probably shouldn’t be having sex with them. You have to address that issue [with that person]. STDs are very real and are still running rampant around USU.”
Davis stressed to the audience the importance of not only using a condom but using it properly.
Martz said, “I think using a condom should definitely be a precaution.”
Before the panel discussion, Janet Osborne, director of the Women’s Center, announced the establishment of a new office called Sexual Assault and Anti-Violence Information.
“We want to provide a very comprehensive delivery of programs, services and policies as they relate to creating healthy relationships and violent-free environments for the well-being of the students and also for the faculty staff,” she said.
–mmackay@cc.usu.edu