HITCHED – How to balance a friendship with a relationship
We’ve all been there. Your friend finds a significant other and suddenly you’re no longer a priority. You vow you won’t do the same, but chances are, if you find a significant other yourself, you will do the exact same.
Once we begin dating someone or get married, it is all too easy to forget our other friends. Even if you make an effort to keep in touch or make time for them, it will never be the same, unless you’re single together again.
“It’s an interesting dynamic once you get married,” said Jenelle Graham, a student at Utah State University. “You almost get sucked into your own little vortex where it’s just you and your spouse.”
Graham said she had been married for about three months before she realized she had alienated her friends. At one point, after being the only person either talked to for a long time, the couple decided they needed to branch out more and reconnect with their old friends. Although she now makes a greater effort to see her friends more often, she lost a group of friends she referred to as “stage-of-life friends.”
Some friends are not destined to be lifelong friends. Some will last only as your current circumstances persist. Once a life-changing event like marriage blows through, they will move on. They’re not being bad friends or unsupportive, they are just unable to adapt to their friend’s major lifestyle changes.
Despite this, Graham said, “Remember how important having friends besides your spouse or significant other is. Having a support system that you don’t live with is so imperative.”
In order to do this, she sees her best friends at least twice a month for dinners or game nights, while texting and staying connected on social media with friends who have moved farther away. In addition, she has found new married friends who understand their busy lives. But for the most part, her single friends have been married and are easier to spend time with now.
“Just because you marry your best friend don’t exclude your past friends,” said Jessica Jacques, another student at USU. “You need to maintain your friendships.”
Jacques moved to Logan from Vernal in August to go to school. Having friends in common with her husband made it easier to stay connected, although the 4-hour drive now complicates those relationships.
She agreed that married people still need a break from their spouses every now and then, so connections with old and new friends are important. She keeps up with them by throwing parties at each of her friends’ houses, going on double dates and having girls’ nights out. Jacques also does what she can to meet up with her single friends although it can be difficult.
Although all friendships are not meant to last, it is important to not lose potentially long-lasting friendships due to a relationship.
—william.bultez@aggiemail.usu.edu
@willistheginger