How to be alone in college

Freshman year is a unique time for everyone. It might be your chance to move somewhere new with all of your high school friends. Maybe you’re reuniting with your cousin or childhood best friend to be roomies. Or, you could be picking up everything and going to an entirely new state all by yourself, with no sort of expectation for the next four years. Regardless, you’re here to have the college experience.

This is probably your first time being out on your own. You may have to pay rent, have a job or two, be a full time student and have a social life. Moving to college means having independence. Whatever that means to you, there will be times where you’ll have to be alone — but that doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. From a person who has learned to enjoy a fairly solitary life, here are some things from my own experience that I wish I knew as a freshman.

Being Social

First and foremost: the beginning of freshman year might be socially overwhelming, but I promise you don’t have to go to everything. Everyone on campus will be talking about events, figuring out which upperclassmen are throwing parties and trying to get the most Instagram-worthy photos. And while all of these things are great and formative for the college experience, don’t let yourself drown in the FOMO. There will always be another thing to go to, another person to meet and another photo to take.

I had to learn the hard way that sacrificing my mental health for the sake of being social was not worth being able to say I was at that one party. Do what is best for you. One thing I’ve told myself is if I am on my own and providing for myself, I need to be my top priority. If that means being social, that’s great. If it means staying home, that’s also great. There’s no right or wrong answer for what you do, so make the decisions that will best fit your needs at that time.

Being Independent

Find the joy in being independent. When I moved out to Utah for school, I was terrified of being independent. Well, kind of. I was mainly scared of paying for everything myself and living in a place where I didn’t know anyone. I was scared of being perpetually alone and getting that deer-in-the-headlights feeling when I would walk into the lunchroom during high school and not know who to sit by.

But after a few months of getting comfortable with my new setting, I began to enjoy having the freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to, and not even in a rebellious way. I felt liberated in the ability I had to leave my apartment after midnight just to drive in circles or get a Baja Blast from Taco Bell. When you’re alone, you can do whatever you want without being subject to anyone else’s opinion. So when you are in those moments where you feel a little bit lonely, just ask yourself what you want to do and just do it — within reason, I guess.

Last summer was my first summer in Logan, and I spent a lot of it by myself. Even though that sounds pretty sad, it was probably the best summer of my life because I took advantage of my independence. One day I sat down and made a list of things I wanted to do and throughout the summer, I did them all by myself, just because I could. This sense of purpose and level of comfort with being alone was very healthy for me and was even more exciting than a lot of the social things I did my freshman year.

Being Single

On a different note, let’s be real: it seems like everyone our age is getting married. Utah is definitely known as marriage central. I’m 21 right now, and there are people younger than me that are married and have kids.

Everyone is on a different timeline. And yes, I know that’s a cliche, but whatever. What I’m trying to say is don’t base your worth on whether or not you’re dating someone or are married. It is hard at times to be alone when it seems like everyone around you is falling in love. It starts to hurt a little bit more when your college friends start dating, because then you have two choices: become a third, fifth, or even seventh wheel, or be forced to do things by yourself. I learned very quickly that I’d rather do anything besides third wheel.

Although I did find the things I enjoyed doing by myself, it was hard to feel like I wasn’t on the same timeline as my friends. Even though I was succeeding academically, I didn’t give myself credit solely because I didn’t have a ring on my finger. Just remember: when your friends and family begin dating or getting married, they aren’t leaving you behind for bigger and better things. We’re all growing in different ways, and just because your growth doesn’t align with theirs doesn’t mean you aren’t succeeding.

Sometimes I like to check in with myself every few months and think about if I would have achieved the things I have if I had put priority on being with someone else. This isn’t to say that if you are committed to someone else, you can’t achieve things, because you can. But having time alone is extremely helpful to accomplish the things you may not have the time for later in life. Now I feel like the timer is ticking down until I move to the next phase of life, and I get excited about having days to myself because who knows how long it will last? Enjoy the times when you can choose what to eat for dinner or what movie to watch without having to compromise with anyone else.

If I could tell you to take any one thing from this random assortment of tips, it would be to just enjoy your independence. To me, these past few years have been some of the best of my life because I’ve been able to get to know myself and who I am, separate from others. Now is the time to take advantage of being alone. Now is the time to form your own opinions, figure out if you actually like broccoli and learn about the place you’re living in. Now is the time to enjoy being alone without feeling lonely.

— bailey.rigby@usu.edu