If He Had Been With Me

Is it weird to love sad books? To seek out heartbreaking love stories and unfortunate endings? If so, then call me weird because some of my favorite novels are incredibly tragic. 

“If He Had Been With Me” is a beautiful young adult novel written by Laura Nowlin. It was published in 2013, but became increasingly popular on “BookTok” in early 2024 when the sequel, “If Only I Had Told Her” was released.

Autumn and Finny were destined to be together. Born to best friend mothers only days apart, they grew up as next-door neighbors; never more than twenty feet away from each other. From a young age, Finny protected Autumn from school ground bullies and mean girls. Autumn was considered to be quite pretty but somewhat odd, while Finny was her shy, athletic protector. They never left each other’s side until drifting apart at the end of middle school for no apparent reason.

High school is supposed to be a fresh start, a new beginning. Finny made the varsity soccer team and

started dating a cheerleader, while Autumn started wearing diamond tiaras and became the queen of the misfits. Both remained with their respective groups, and neither of them acknowledged one another at school. The two continued with family activities as normal, with minimal speaking and interaction–without their former friendship.

Written from Autumn’s point of view, she tells her story of high school navigating alcohol, sex, lunchroom feuds, dating, mental health and friendship.

She starts dating Jamie, a handsome, dark-haired emo boy she believes to be her soulmate. Jamie and Autumn have many struggles; him pressuring her to have sex, her constantly begging him to never leave her him ultimately hurting her in an unthinkable way.

With each high school year comes its challenges, but Finny is always there for Autumn. He lets her friends win the lunch table feud, shuts down a pregnancy rumor about her, keeps her company when her mom is in the hospital and when she is at her lowest, wakes her from a dark, depressive haze and brings her back to life. Finny has always been a vital part of Autumn’s life, but could he be something more than just the boy next door?

Without a doubt, I would read this book again. I enjoyed the easy to read writing style and the way Nowlin made me fall in love with her characters. I would recommend this book to someone that enjoys reading about young love, relatable characters and coming of age stories and also doesn’t mind a good cry. I love books that force me to dive into my feelings, and if you do as well, this book is for you.

If He Had Been With Me is a book I believe everyone should read at least once in their life. This book embodies what I believe true love to be within family, friends and lovers. Finny and Autumn are soulmates in the truest form, and I can only hope to be that lucky someday.

— A02413827@aggies.usu.edu