Interfaith Student Association, SAAVI host discussion on healthy relationships

On Feb. 22, the Interfaith Student Association and the Sexual Assault and Anti-Violence Information Office held an event to discuss how to build healthy relationships.  

Andrew Hunting, president of the interfaith club, organized the event.  

“Living in America, you experience a lot of different people from a lot of different cultures and backgrounds,” Hunting said. “People need to have a tool set to be able to connect with people who really aren’t coming from the same space as them.”  

The discussion was led by a SAAVI student advocate, Ingrid MacMurray, who presented tips and information on how to strengthen communication and trust within relationships.  

At the event, discussion focused on how individuals can change their behaviors to prevent harm within relationships.  

“I really think it’s important to not tell people how to not be victims,” MacMurray said.  

MacMurray said the conversation was centered about learning how to better educate people, and not about avoiding becoming a victim.  

“That is an important part, is to know how to be able to protect yourself,” MacMurray said. “What I think isn’t talked about enough is how to stop your own harmful behaviors and how to fix them.”  

Participants were taught strategies they could use to identify and transform their own harmful behaviors. Some examples shared were the use of “I” statements when expressing one’s feelings, and to take responsibility for one’s actions, especially if those actions hurt someone else. 

MacMurray said acknowledging one’s wrongdoings can sometimes be difficult for people because admitting when one is wrong can be difficult.  

“Everyone is learning how to communicate together,” MacMurray said.  

The discussion aimed to demonstrate that people are bound to make mistakes in relationships, but that it is OK. 

“Learning how to forgive yourself for how you’ve behaved in the past so that you can change your behavior to be better in the future,” MacMurray said. 

Another strategy shared was a form of dialectical behavioral therapy. 

According to Psychology Today, dialectical behavior therapy, or DBT, is a form of therapy that involves navigating intense emotions and social relationships through the development of acceptance skills.  

There is a DBT strategy used for strengthening communication called DEAR MAN, which stands for describe, express, assert, reinforce, mindfulness, appear confident and negotiate. This strategy is used to deal with conflict in relationships in a healthy way.  

MacMurray said these strategies often scare people because they seem “cheesy.” 

“It takes a lot of practice and a lot of repetition before those cheesy little things start to actually make a big difference,” MacMurray said. “It doesn’t always work, but it is a stepping stone in the right direction to be able to help guide those conversations.” 

The discussion also touched on how to build healthy interfaith relationships as well, especially because religion can be such a significant part of people’s lives. 

“It’s about taking it one step at a time, and making sure to really validate the other person’s faith and beliefs and to respect them,” MacMurray said.  

Hunting said building interfaith relationship skills is important because the U.S. has many different affiliations.  

“We live in a very polarized, very tribalized society,” Hunting said. “You can really get into echo chambers and stick with your people you’re comfortable with, and you could go your whole life, get to a job and never have an experience talking to someone who sees the world differently than you.” 

According to Hunting, uniting people who can acknowledge their differences and come together anyways is an important part of the Interfaith Student Association. 

“People from any spiritual or religious identity can agree with this thing,” Hunting said. “We are going to agree to disagree, and we will live together in peace.”