Last Blue View

Who wins the NBA Championship?

I’ve maintained since we asked this question at the inception of this NBA season that it could only end in with the Jazz meeting the Celtics in a real-life version of “Celtic Pride.” I’m sticking to my guns. I think the Suns will knock off San Antonio, opening the Western Conference playoffs up for the Jazz, who are going to sweep Houston, beat the Lakers in seven games and the Suns in six. The Celtics will cruise through the East, and then fall to the Jazz in six. This time, there will be no Dan Aykroyd and Daniel Stern to kidnap the Jazz’s best player-not Lewis Scott, like in the movie, but Deron Williams. I know you’re all saying: “You’re a homer,” or “You’re a moron, using a terrible movie from 1996 to pick the NBA Finals.” Maybe I am, but you’re ugly.

Why is Isaiah Thomas still the Knicks?

Donnie Walsh, already fired Thomas as coach and forbid him from contacting his former players. It’s a mystery why he’s still around, but I came up with my top five countdown of things the Knicks could do with Thomas. 5. Have him wear M.C. Hammer pants and dance to “Soulja Boy” during timeouts. 4. Walsh could paint him silver, give him a Walt Frazier jersey and have Thomas stand in front of the Garden being a living statue of the Knick great. 3. Have Isiah live in the sewers under Madison Square Garden, dressed as a giant rat, raising a group of mutant turtles to become the new starting five for the Knicks. 2. New York is so desperate for talent, they’re going to bring Isiah back to run the point for the reunited ’90 Bad Boys. 1. Keep him on to teach “Sexual Harassment, the Workplace and You” courses to new employees.

Who is the best player in the NFL Draft?

Does it really matter? The Broncos are just going to pick another quarterback or running back, further cementing Mike Shanahan’s place in the Hall of Dumb Ass Coaches/Personnel guys. Wow. That little venting felt really good. I think I’m better now. Now, the best player in the is draft, is probably Darren McFadden. He’s the only one that sticks out when you think about someone who will wow 50,000-plus with one play. McFadden is more athletic than my entire family tree. But I’m not sure he’ll make as big of an impact as a player like Glenn Dorsey will on whatever team picks him. Dorsey, when he wants to be, is a destructive force in the middle of a defense.

Most overrated player in the draft?

Mel Kiper. I know he’s not in the NFL Draft, but he’s still a jackass. His hair hasn’t moved in 20 years. That Vader helmet on his head probably does act as good protection from meteors or bird crap – and I heard it’s rust proof. Wow, I thought that would take longer. I have so much space left, I’m afraid I might actually have to pick a real player. I don’t think Chris Long is as awesome as the analysts think he his. I get it, Howie Long – an overrated analysis and pitchman, who played for another overrated announcer, John Madden, for an overrated team, the Raiders – is his dad. So what? Maybe Kiper and the lot are just scared of getting their asses kicked by Howie if they say anything bad about baby Long.

Rant

First, I want to acknowledge how awesome DeShawn Stevenson’s beard is. If he would have had the beard while he was in Utah, he would’ve fit in well with the whole Mormon-Handcart-Migration crowd. He looks like he could fill in for Billy Gibbons on lead guitar for ZZ Top on a few dates after Stevenson’s Wizards get ran out of the playoff. Congratulations to Eric Byrnes for championing the mustache. Welcome on board, sir. Byrnes said his mustache deserved the credit for his 14-game hitting streak earlier this season. You all thought I was crazy when I said the ‘stache was the new black, well HA HA HA. Lastly, this is my last Blue and White, ever, so I’d like to thank all of you for reading and putting up with my constant stream of bull@#$%. It’s been my pleasure to annoy/entertain you. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did, and don’t forget to Google me sometime, see what I’m up to. Oh, and I always wanted my last words of Blue and White to be this: @#$% BYU.