Learning as a parent
I recently became a single parent. Jack, my new mini Dachshund puppy, is 10 weeks old, with shinny black hair, big brown eyes and a serious pair of pipes. I am very happy to have him, but at the same time I don’t think I have ever been so exhausted in my life.
The first night Jack came to stay I was thrilled. He was so cute. I spent the day showing him off to friends and family, buying him toys and all the other stuff puppies need and playing with him in the basement of my grandfather’s house. But then the night came. I put Jack in his bed, clean, dry and full but he started to wail and whine like crazy. I did everything I could. I rubbed his back and stroked his head. I spoke soft, calming words. I rocked him back and forth. Eventually, Jack calmed down and fell asleep.
But that’s never the end. Jack woke up every two hours and we went through the same dance every time. By the time 5 a.m. rolled around, I thought I was going to die. I was running on zero sleep and my patience was in the red. So I called in for backup. My mother, thankfully, was visiting and was able to take over for the last couple hours of the shift. That’s parenthood for you.
I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting lately. I’ve never been a parent, so it’s not a subject I know a whole lot about, but this experience with Jack has made me wonder about the kind of parent I’ll be. The first thing I decided was that I never want to be a single parent. Parenting a child is definitely a two-man job, with the occasional need for extra backup. I know, for better or worse, it happens. I’m just hoping this is not one of my life challenges.
I’ve also wondered how I am going to teach my kids to be productive members of society. I am a master’s student in the College of Education so I learn a lot about learning: how people learn, how to design learning materials, how to teach people things effectively.
One of the first things I have learned about learning is that it is different with everyone. There are no guarantees. You may be a great teacher, change the lives of many students and there still might be that one student or those few students that you had no affect on. No matter what you do, you just can’t reach them. I don’t want that relationship with my kids.
Obviously, there are parental advantages with your own kids, probably the biggest being that you have been there since they were conceived and you spend the most amount of time with them. But it’s still a scary thing, something you don’t want to screw up.
I’ve been trying to train my dog these last few days by teaching just basic things like house training, sit, stay, come and quiet. He’s getting the hang of some of these concepts. But the training process is fairly simple with a dog. Dog does something good equals dog gets treat and praise. Dog does something bad equals human becoming frustrated and cleaning up a mess while continuing to encourage the dog to do good things. If dog does something really bad, he might get stuck in his kennel for a little bit. But that is pretty much it.
Human training seems a bit more complicated. Though I’m sure this action-reward, behaviorist attitude has its place. It can only go so far. How do you teach kids about those abstract issues like honesty, morality and integrity, especially when we as parents aren’t perfect at those things ourselves?
Mikaylie Kartchner can be found asleep after being up with her puppy. Questions or comments can be sent to mikalie.k@aggiemail.usu.edu