LETTER: Take your time deciding who to marry

Dear Editor,

I am writing this letter with a 350 word limit, so let me cut to the chase. I have been following the letters to the editor about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the young age at which many of its members choose to marry. I must say the idea of any single factor (ie: hormone-driven marriages) being responsible for the 52 percent divorce rate here in Utah is somewhat ridiculous. There is hardly ever a single reason for marital stress, let alone divorce. I was married at 18 and divorced three years later, so I tend to think I have some experience in this field. It is my belief that the problem is not about religious dos or don’ts, but more a cultural problem.

Marriage is viewed in cultures around the world to be a rite of passage. The LDS culture is no different. My feeling is that many people feel an urgency to be married because they feel it will bring them something they want (financial stability, family, etc.). What they are somewhat blind to are the things marriage brings that they don’t want (financial debt, emotional stress, etc.).

After the wedding, eventually everyday life sets in and you realize that his collection of old bike parts really isn’t that fascinating after all. He realizes that all those fancy meals you “fixed” while you were dating were from Albertson’s Deli. In short, you start to figure out that either you didn’t really know each other very well when you jumped into this thing, or that one of you was “faking” the other one out.

So how do you avoid this situation? The answer is pretty simple, really. Take your time. Figure out what it is that you want/need before you agree to spend your life with someone. Why would you go to the altar with someone who can’t possibly meet your needs/desires? Spending the rest of your life/eternity with someone is a big deal. Don’t rush it. You can have lots of friends, be picky about your spouse.

Heather Goodworth