LETTER TO THE EDITOR: A proposal for Logan City parking

Editor’s Note: To submit a response to this column, or submit a letter to the editor on a new topic, email your submission to opinion@usustatesman.com.

My last final this past semester was on Friday. I followed my usual routine and parked in my usual spot at Adams Park. As an off-campus student, that park has always been my favorite because of a bus stop close by and the proximity to campus. I can ride the bus up in the morning when the weather is coldest, and ride down. However, if I miss the bus on the way back, I don’t have to wait for the next one. I can just walk back down. This routine has a nice balance and works well.

On the day of my last test I parked as usual and rode the bus up. Upon riding down, I found a little slip of paper saying I wasn’t allowed to park here anymore. That is when I noticed the new signs posted as prolifically as propaganda, saying NO PARKING MONDAY THRU FRIDAY 7 AM – 3 PM. The other side of the park has similar warnings, 2 HR PARKING MONDAY THRU FRIDAY SEPTEMBER THRU APRIL 7 AM – 3 PM. I was assured these dates and times are purely coincidental and have no correlation to semesters and class times. The park is in such demand and so overcrowded something had to be done.

As I know the City of Logan is struggling for money and could certainly use some more, I have a plan to finance their projects. Logan is known regionally for the massive amounts of free parking. In fact, you can park anywhere on the east-side of Main Street during a time called Residential Permit Parking Only. The city could leverage this abundant natural resource by restricting access. Although, most people wouldn’t consider this action as restricting access but protecting space. In this way the city could accomplish two goals with one city ordinance.

The money would soon begin to flow into the city treasury as the city’s richest and most careless citizens paid to park there. Students from all over the world would gladly contribute to this fund. In fact, according to one student I interviewed, “I have so much money I can pay for tuition, rent, parking passes, parking tickets, AND my grilled avocado toast”. Trusted sources state that tuition costs are going down, rent is decreasing, and more free parking is being made available on-campus and in apartment parking lots. Considering this information, students are going to have even more money to pay for their parking.

But why stop there? Since students’ disposable income is increasing at such a fast rate, I suggest founding a company that will monitor parking lots and catch these one-percenters in the act of stealing parking. This business could be called Cache Vehicle Booting System (CVBS) or something like that. The company will place a boot on the car, provide excellent customer service, and charge a small fee to remove the boot. CVBS will surely employ many people and improve the economic mobility of the valley.

I recently was assured by a couple of residents from Seattle and San Francisco that my proposed system doesn’t go far enough. In fact, they contended that students are half-citizens anyways and don’t deserve the same treatment as the permanent residents. “Put them on the street and make them pick up garbage”, they would tell me. However, I try to be judicious and lenient in my approaches to problems and don’t consider this viable for the great City of Logan.  

#freeadamspark

Travis Halverson is a mechanical engineering student at Utah State who has had bad luck with parking in Logan.