Letter to the editor: Swipe right: Dating in the digital age
Online dating is the most common way for Americans to find a date. According to a study from Stanford, about 39% of heterosexual couples and 65% of same-sex couples have met through online dating apps.
For many of us, our online presence is a huge part of our “real” lives. This raises the question: How do we safely navigate dating in the digital age, with its unique pitfalls and risks? While it isn’t possible to anticipate every scenario, these tips can help with online dating at any stage.
Vetting Matches
Someone’s online dating profile can reveal a lot about them. While sussing out if your match is cute and funny, also ask yourself if they are likely to be who they say they are. Dating apps don’t run criminal background checks, which leaves it up to you to decide who you feel comfortable communicating or meeting with.
Avoid connecting with suspicious accounts. Accounts without a bio, links to social media, and only one photo may be fake. Be suspicious of anyone that requests financial help or asks for personal information (such as social security number, work/home address, or banking information.) Consider reporting suspicious accounts to the platform, or report to the Fair Trade Commission if you suspect fraud.
As you and your match exchange messages, assess what you share about yourself and how much you know about the other person. Ask yourself, do you feel comfortable with the pace your relationship is progressing? Does this person respect your boundaries? Are there red flags? These can be useful questions to ask, not just before you meet, but throughout the relationship.
Meeting in Person
Before meeting for the first time, consider scheduling a video chat. This can not only help you determine if your match is who they claim to be, but can alleviate some awkwardness when you meet in person.
On your first date, meet in a public place with plenty of other people around. Staff, such as waiters or bartenders, can be useful to turn to for help if you feel unsafe. Avoid meeting someone at your home, your workplace or an isolated location, such as a public park. Arrange for your own transportation, so you can control where you go and when you leave.
Let at least one trusted person — a family member, friend, or roommate — know where you are going and who you will be with. With your go-to person, create a game plan for when to check in and follow up. Also make an exit plan, just in case the date goes south and you need to safely leave.
You are not ever rude for leaving a situation that makes you uncomfortable. Trust your gut, and remember your safety is most important. Regardless of if you follow all of these tips or none of them, you never deserve violence, abuse, or harassment. Know you can reach out to the Sexual Assault and Anti-Violence Information (SAAVI) office for more information and support.
Whitney Howard is an alumna from Utah State University and a former staff writer for The Utah Statesman. She is now a full-time victim advocate for the SAAVI office.
— whitney.howard@usu.edu