Male Rape: ‘If we don’t talk about it, it doesn’t exist’
One in three women in Utah is a victim of sexual abuse, according to the Salt Lake City Office of Diversity and Human Rights.
Statistics on the sexual assault and rape of women are available all over the Internet on state or national government websites, help forums and community awareness pages.
Yet male survivors of sexual abuse are not a common topic in the media — even though one in seven men will experience domestic violence in their lifetime and about one-third of sexual assault and rape survivors are men — according to Utah State University’s Sexual Assault and Anti-Violence Information department, or SAAVI.
“It’s a very negative view from our society,” said Bret Nielson, a senior in social work and an intern at SAAVI. “Even if you look at some TV shows, they mock male rape. It’s used as a punchline in a joke.”
Part of the reason for the difference between men and women stems from society’s definition on masculinity, he said, which often shows men as being tough, strong and always up for sex. That image makes it seem like men almost can’t get raped, and if they do, they are weak and are ridiculed for it.
“I remember when I was watching ‘Archer’ one time and this male was sexually assaulted, and people found it humorous,” Nielson said. “So really, when we do talk about it, it’s comedy. If we don’t talk about it, it doesn’t exist.”
Gender stereotypes have created barriers that prevent many men from reporting a sexual assault or choosing to seek help after a rape, he said. In many cases, those barriers even prevent victims from realizing that they have been assaulted.
“They’ve done studies where if you ask someone if they’ve been raped or sexually assaulted or if they have raped or sexually assaulted somebody, the number’s very low,” said Amanda Gibb, a graduate student in social work and an intern at SAAVI. “But it you ask about assaulted behaviors like if you’ve ever pressured anyone or held someone down to have sex with them, the number spikes. So that shows us that people don’t actually know what sexual assault really is.”
The definition of sexual assault is any sexual act without consent in the form of a sober, freely given “yes” statement that was not forced or manipulated, according to SAAVI.
Sexual assault is a broad term that can range from inappropriately touching another person’s intimate body parts to sexual intercourse, which can be defined as rape if there was vaginal, oral or anal penetration.
“It’s traumatizing. I mean, I’ve had to tell someone they’ve been sexually assaulted by someone before, and it was hard,” Nielson said. “And it was difficult because he had to take on that identity. I mean, if you are a survivor of sexual assault, that is part of your identity because we can’t change our experiences. But importantly those experiences don’t define us.”
On the other hand, Gibb said, that new identity can also be empowering and relieving as survivors are able to put a name to what happened to them.
“A lot of the time, they are already traumatized by their experience and they could be suffering from PTSD [post-traumatic stress disorder] and having panic attacks and flashbacks, and be depressed and not okay with what happened,” she said. “But they may not know why.”
Receiving validation after being manipulated by a partner into something that didn’t feel comfortable or okay can provide a survivor with a basis to move forward and start to heal from, Nielson said.
“Sadly, in our culture, too often you hear terms like ‘man up,’ and those are in this notion that, as a man, you should just walk it off or get over it,” said James Boyd, the development director at Citizens Against Physical and Sexual Abuse, or CAPSA. “And unfortunately, it’s trauma. It’s trauma they’re experiencing and so to cope with that sometimes you need more help.”
Help can be found on campus or off — for both men and women — and all services are confidential.
CAPSA is a domestic violence and sexual assault recovery center and is one of two shelters in Utah that will shelter men fleeing from abuse. Its mission is to provide hope, help and healing for victims who come in seeking help.
The organization runs a 24-hour crisis hotline that can be reached at (435) 753-2500.
SAAVI is based on USU’s campus in the Health and Wellness Center, which is located behind the Maverick stadium. Their services are free for USU students and include therapy and help getting back on track with classes.
Utah recently adopted a public awareness campaign to “Start by Believing.” This idea is to turn the attention away from victim-blaming and needing poof of assault. Instead, the campaign focuses on believing that something happened and there is someone seeking help.
“If you feel like you’re in an unhealthy relationship that’s causing you trauma, contact us,” Boyd said. “We don’t judge. All of our services are free and are all confidential. So contact us, and we’ll help you achieve the goals you’re trying to get.”
— miranda.lorenc@gmail.com